Yep, Another Weight Loss Blog

Moved

2009-06-07T22:11:00.001-07:00

It's time for a change. Please join me at http://cshealthylife.blogspot.com/. :-)

Be back soon

2009-05-15T19:29:00.000-07:00

Finals + moving = very little time + lots of stress.

I'll be back at the end of May once everything calms down. I'll have lots of time soon since I'll be unemployed and job hunting.

30 Day Shred Update

2009-05-08T16:43:00.000-07:00

Jillian is crazy! She really is. She puts together moves I would never think possible. I did Day 1 of Level 2 today. Such a great workout! I only did 8 days of Level 1. I was having motivation problems to workout because I didn't want to go back to Level 1. So today I decided to start Level 2. And I like it (thus far). It's amazing how strong Jillian helps you feel after only 20 minutes.

I know she has released a few other DVD workouts so I'm going to have to look into those eventually. I used to think I'd want Bob as my trainer on the Biggest Loser. He's fairly calm and nice. His workouts are hard but I like his generally gentle demeanor. Jillian is intense and yells. But that would probably help me get my act together 10 times faster.

No Weigh-In

2009-05-06T09:46:00.000-07:00

I'm skipping the weigh-in this week. This week was blown out the window and I gained a few pounds. But the scale is showing anywhere between 2-4 pounds. 4? WTH? My body needs a few days to adjust back to normal. I admit that I'm having a really hard time getting back into working out. I only worked out once this past week. And I feel crummy because of it. I had a great week though. It was very busy and I enjoyed spending time with my husband and my family.

As a side note, today is our 3 year anniversary! I can't believe my husband and I have been married for 3 years already. Time goes by so fast.

Happy May Day!

2009-05-01T15:40:00.000-07:00

Wow, I really can't believe it's May. I have only 20 days until I graduate. 20 days. And then we move. Ahh!

It was so nice to have my husband here for a few days. Although, I've been moping around today and eating so that's not the greatest thing. Also, we were so busy while he was here (baseball game, a night with friends, I still had school, preparing and packing more for the move) that I didn't work out. Yikes! I'm not so sure how this week is going to end up. *sigh* One of the the nicest things was how well I slept for 2 nights. I haven't slept that deep in a long time. It was nice to not have to worry about being alone if anything happened. Yeah, I'm paranoid. :)

I'm going out to dinner tonight and then I'll be gone again for the weekend. I better get in some workout time!

Enjoy your weekend!

Week 7 Weigh-In

2009-04-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

I guess Jillian is kicking my butt because I lost 1.2 this week. I'm very happy to finally reach the first 5 pounds lost. I will have lots of challenges this week though. My husband will be visiting for a few days and this weekend I'll be out of town for my uncle's birthday party. I'll just have to stick to the idea of not overindulging. I'll probably bump up exercise as well. I did Day 8 of Level 1 of the 30 Day Shred today. I definitely feel a big difference in the past 2 weeks. The first day I was dripping in sweat during the first few minutes. Now I'm just sweating a normal amount at the end. I'm sure that will change when I move on to Level 2.

Weekly Weigh-in 6

2009-04-24T16:33:00.000-07:00

I'm so late on blogging about my weigh-in. It was a busy week in school. I have only 4 weeks left until I graduate. Wow! I'm so excited to graduate, move, and start looking for a job. That might be a big challenge.

I lost .8 this past week. I'm doing my best not to compare how I'm doing now to how I was doing last year. And I really shouldn't because there is a different amount of input. I do admit I'm probably taking the allowing myself to indulge too far. I now need to learn how to not have something sweet every day. (And yes, I really am having sweets everyday. That isn't really a healthy way to live. Also, I know there are lot of other treats I can have instead (Skinny Cow, etc) but I want to teach my body that I don't need a treat everyday!) Moderation is yet to be learned.

I'm really looking forward to this coming Tuesday. My husband is flying down to visit for a few days! We're heading to a baseball game that night. We've lived here for almost 5 years and every year I've said "Let's go to a baseball game!" So we're finally going, 3 weeks before we officially move.

30 Day Shred

2009-04-19T11:29:00.001-07:00

I'm sure most of us have heard about the 30 Day Shred. It's a Jillian Michael's workout DVD that combines strength training, cardio, and ab workouts into 3 different 20 minutes workouts. I bought it late last year and did 3 days of Level 1. I stopped because my knees were hurting. This past week I decided to start it up again. I've been working out a lot more this year than I was 5-6 months ago so I figured my knees might be in better shape. Today I finished Day 4 of Level 1. Thankfully, I've had no knee issues yet! (Hopefully I won't jinx that!) I've also combined it with 30 minutes on the elliptical. My rule is try not to do it more than 2 days in a row either. I want to give my body a break because it is very intense, especially at my level of fitness.

My body is feeling awesome! I've also learned how little upper body strength I have. But Jillian takes care of that so I'll see improvement very soon.

Today I'm meeting friends at the Cheesecake factory for lunch - yikes! I'm really hoping to stay mindful of what I'm eating. Can't let all this hard work from the past week go to waste because of one meal!

Reward List

2009-04-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

-10: New workout clothing
-15: New workout Shoes
-20: New water bottle
-25: $100 of new clothing

I'll leave it at that for now. 25 pounds is about halfway to my goal so I need to get there first.

Weekly Weigh-in 5

2009-04-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

A .4 loss....which is fine considering I didn't try that hard last week. No exercising or tracking. It's also fine because this time I really want to make this a more natural process. Some weeks aren't perfect. I've spend a lot of time reflecting over what I did wrong last year. I should just make a list at this point because there are so many things I learned. One of my main lessons was that I was too strict on myself. At the time I didn't think I was but in retrospect I can see I limited myself too much. The backlash of that has been really bad (obviously). I thought I had it all figured out last year but I didn't.

As a side note, I still need to make my reward list.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T13:05:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a nice day at home to relax and hopefully start some school work. I was so busy the past 2 weeks I didn't have the energy to actually update my blog. Notice I said energy - not time! I just didn't want to think anymore.

My weekend out of town was great. I knew it was impossible for me to have loss any weight that week and expected a gain. I almost didn't weigh myself on Tuesday but decided to just do it anyway. I gained 1.2 but that's the way life goes. I hadn't factored in a few things about my weekend beforehand so it didn't go as well as I planned. I did work out one day and avoided candy temptations at the airport. Yay for me! So what went wrong? I didn't think of how I'd be traveling with 6 other women. I didn't remember it was going to be a very, very stressful weekend. Therefore, wise choices weren't always made. I didn't think about how I'd be going out on Saturday night and having drinks. I did dance my booty off for 2.5 hours so that had to count for something. ;) Oh and I had at least half the amount of sleep I normally do. But like I said earlier, I had a great time.

This past week has gone by so fast. I was stressed out with school work. It was one of my busiest weeks for projects, papers, and presentations. My next 2 weeks are fairly busy as well but then it calms down until finals, thankfully.

Week 3 Weigh-in

2009-03-31T16:05:00.000-07:00

I was a bit nervous about weighing in this morning. Traveling definitely put a damper on my eating. I'm still working on getting completely on track again. I lost .8, so close to a pound. I'm hoping to stay on track better when I travel this weekend. I just have to be more mindful of what I'm eating.

Working out has been going great. I started running again last week. It feels really good. I run about a mile, walk for a few minutes and then run another .5 miles. My goal is to work up to 2 separate miles and then slowly 2 miles at once. Does that make sense? At least it does to me. :) I'm still hoping to run in a 5K in June.

I'm also trying to figure out rewards for along the way. I'll post those in a few days.

Back home

2009-03-27T11:16:00.001-07:00

I arrived back last night and I'm not too happy about it. I can't complain too much because I only have about 2 months left here. Being back there was so nice. I felt so much more comfortable and knew that we are making the right choice by moving back. I must be crazy though because this is what I woke up to on Wednesday....

I can't believe how much more it snows there now! I suppose I'll just have to get used to it. The 3 days went by too fast. I did workout on the elliptical 2 of the 3 days. Eating was not so great. I don't understand why it's so hard to stay focused while traveling. A lot of it is my fault and I fall into natural habits (like buying candy at the airport) and eating too much when I go out to dinner with people. I'm going out of town again next Friday so I'll have to plan better for that trip.

Weekly Weigh-in

2009-03-23T13:52:00.001-07:00

I weighed in a day early because I'm flying to Washington tonight. I'll be gone for a few days this week visiting my husband. Yay! I'm so excited. I haven't seen him in 2.5 weeks. We only have 2 months left until I move there too. I'm not sure if I'll get the chance to visit again.

I lost 1.2 this week. Last night I went to a friends sisters house for dinner and there was so much food! I hadn't planned on going there so I was very hungry by the time I ate. I enjoyed 3 slices of homemade pizza, a glass of wine, some tortilla's with hummus and angel food cake with strawberries. Not at all I imagined how I'd eat the night before weighing in! But I decided to just enjoy the night and have fun.

I'm a bit anxious about this week but plan on exercising every day. My parents bought an elliptical a few months ago so I can use that to workout.

Hope everyone has a good week! I'm so glad it's finally spring!

Graduation Dress

2009-03-20T17:09:00.000-07:00

I bought a dress over a month ago to wear at my graduation. I wanted something nice that didn't make me feel like a student anymore. So it's hanging in my closet now, just waiting to be worn. Only 2 months and 1 day left...yes, I'm already counting down! Thankfully, it fits but I could tone up to look better in it. I was going to post a picture but it isn't on the website anymore. I guess I waited too long!

My graduation will be held indoors and will be a small ceremony so I shouldn't be cold. I'll have the cap and gown on over it too. I decided to participate in the ceremony specifically for my major rather than the schoolwide ceremony. It will be more personal and I actually get to walk across a stage. I think it will be more interesting for my family as well. They will get to meet my professors and friends.

I was saying to my husband the other night that I don't let myself think about where I would be if I hadn't gotten lost along the way. There isn't a point in getting mad at myself. The only thing I can tell myself is to not let it happen again!

Week 1 Weigh-In

2009-03-17T08:39:00.001-07:00

I'm back to weekly weigh-in's. Since I'm actually trying again and putting forth the effort. I lost 2.4 this week. Yay! It's interesting to me because as I've gained back everything in the last 7-8 months, I was in denial about what was actually happening. I had thought that if the scale went up 5 pounds than I would take the necessary actions to stop that from happening. And I did watch for a few days but then I would start snacking too much again. I was just eating without thinking about it. Or if I was thinking about it, I would somehow rationalize what I was eating. And not sure if anyone's noticed but I've pretty much gained back all but 5 pounds of what I lost last year. I'm shocked I gained it back that fast but I have been eating very poorly. I know that when I was on WW last year, I was a bit too restrictive so I'll have to be more cautious of that this time. I need to work in treats so I don't feel as deprived. I didn't think I was deprived at the time but something was obviously lacking.

No thanks

2009-03-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year for everyone. And I fell victim to it last weekend because I was looking so forward to it. But not this weekend. You know how it goes - you pull into the parking lot of the grocery store. And the little girls are blocking the entrance and exit with boxes of yummy, expensive cookies. They don't even really stand a chance against half the people walking by. A polite "no thanks" and a smile is the only way to get by them. Or you pull out your wallet and shell out over 4 dollars a box that will only last 1-2 days in most people's home.

Yes, I bought some last weekend. I hadn't bought any for at least 3 or 4 years. I was so happy to see them! But not anymore. I bought my box this year and that was that. One box was enough.

Energy

2009-03-13T13:55:00.000-07:00

I've already noticed such simple changes in my body the past few days. Working out and eating better has already upped my energy level. Wahoo! Although, I was a bit annoyed this morning when I woke up around 6:30 and my body wanted to wake up. WTH? It's a sleep-in day for me! I made myself fall back asleep for 2 hours. Overall, I'm not as tired or feeling as drained.

I'm also slowly warping back into the health world and realizing (remembering) how hard it is. It's something you kind of forget, unfortunately. The outside environment is just not set up to support people eating healthy. There are so many temptations or challenges when you leave your comfort places. At least I know I'll eventually get to the point where I those things don't phase me as much.

In exciting news, I've officially applied for my first post-college job. I graduate in a little over 2 months and am starting the job search process. I'm so anxious but really excited to start the career phase of my life.

3rd Time's A Charm?

2009-03-10T17:43:00.000-07:00

I'm sure some of you have been expecting this. And I probably knew it was going to happen at some point. I rejoined Weight Watchers today, although it is the online membership. I need to make myself take this seriously again. Joining was more of an attempt to prevent any more weight again for now. And I know weight loss and better habits will come with it. I'm only doing online because I don't need to feel like I need to be somewhere at a certain time. Maybe some day I'll switch - once things slow down for me. It's been a busy, stressful past month. My grandpa died, my husband moved out of state, I have a heavy school load and I had my school activity thing that I haven't gone into detail about. It would be too easy to find so I don't want to post it online. But it went great and now I have to travel out of state in April to do it again. Sorry for the lack of details. I know it doesn't make any sense. Anyways, it has been a busy, stressful month. More than I'm used to. A few days ago I worked out for the first time in 3 weeks. Like always, it felt good to get my body moving again.

I also feel like my body has been telling me to practice healthy habits. I've been feeling really bad from the stress and unhealthy eating. I have to laugh and think that maybe it's because I'm not getting any younger. My body doesn't want to be treated poorly anymore.

Home

2009-02-25T07:15:00.000-08:00

I want to thank those of you who sent my family your sympathy. I really appreciate you taking the time to do so. I got home from Ohio on Sunday night. That was one of the fastest weeks of my life. I'm feeling drained but now have to deal with life since that never stops moving. I think it was easier being there because I felt closer to him and was able to be near my grandma.

The wake was on Monday and the funeral on Tuesday. I've only been to a wake when I was very young and didn't know the person. (In fact, it was a friend of my grandparents and my brother and I were brought along). My brother and I were a bit nervous about his wake. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him like that but I knew it wasn't really about what I wanted. And my experience was that I don't even think it looked like him. There was no huge grin, no sparkle in his eyes. There was no spirit. His body was just lying there peacefully but he was somewhere else. While I will remember him like that it won't be the first image that enters my head when I think of him.

The funeral on Tuesday was a beautiful mass. My family hadn't realized it was going to be an actual mass but it was. It was very comforting and the priest spoke about how the best thing to do now is share our love with people because there isn't enough of it. And isn't that true?

The rest of the week went by very quickly. This is another stressful week for me. I have a school related activity out of town on Friday and Saturday. My husband starts his move on Sunday. Next week he'll be back here for a day and then I'll be here until I graduate. Naturally, I have projects for every class due in the next week as well. It'll take me a while to catch up on blogs but I will.

Grandpa 12/23/1918 - 2/12/2009

2009-02-14T11:42:00.001-08:00

Writing these words. Saying these words. Knowing this happened hurts so much. This is the biggest loss I've experienced. My grandpa died on Thursday morning. It was very fast and none of my family was even aware anything was happening. My grandma called the paramedics somewhere after 7 in the morning and I think it was all over somewhere between 8-8:30.

It's obviously the inevitable. But it's the inevitable none of us saw coming. Truly, last time I saw him in December, I did not think that was the last time I'd see him. The thought has crossed my mind other times. But not this time. I really thought I'd get to visit him again. And sadly, my parents and brother never made it to Ohio for Christmas and my grandpa's 90th birthday. The Seattle airport shut down because of the freak snowstorm. I'm so glad I was able to be there. But I feel so bad for my dad and brother.

Last time I talked to him was on Superbowl Sunday - so the first of this month. I'm leaving for Ohio tomorrow and will be there for a week. I'm so sad for my grandma. My grandparents would have been married for 69 years in May. They've been together for over 70. I talked to her on Thursday and that was so hard. I can't imagine how empty she must feel. I can only think it's how I feel times a million.

I am so lucky to have such a fantastic grandfather. I really was his little princess. He always wanted me to be happy. He did so much for me and I hope he knew that I appreciated him.

This is my grandparents on their 68th anniversary. They had a doctor's appointment that day and had mentioned to the nurses it was their anniversary. While they were in their appointments, the nurses went and got a little cake for them. So sweet!

This was the photo we took on my grandpa's 90th birthday.

Peeks out from underneath the rock

2009-02-11T16:28:00.000-08:00

I feel like it's been forever since I last blogged. And I honestly have no idea where the last 10-11 days gone. I'm so busy with school this semester. I'm way too stressed out for it only being the 4th week of school. (Last semester the stress really started around the 6 and 7th week). I have this other school activity that I'm involved in and a lot of my time has been going towards that. All of my classes are pretty heavy loads this semester and I can't fall behind. Although, I'm doing a great job of procrastinating today. Also, I don't think I've mentioned it here but my husband and I are moving to Washington after I graduate in May. Actually, he's moving at the end of this month because he was able to transfer early. It was really important for us to relocate back to where we're from and so he put a transfer request in early to work on their timeline. It worked a little too well. Anyways, so that's an extra stressor. He's moving up half of our stuff so we've been spending time packing and such.

I'm feeling myself getting really lazy since I'm so overwhelmed. It's like I'm avoiding everything thinking it will just take care of itself. I've been able to workout regularly but my eating is still not very desirable. : / Boo on that. This afternoon I just baked brownies since I tend to bake when I'm stressed. It's an avoidance tool for me. Makes me distracted from what I really need to be doing. Since I'm really indulgent, I make frosting for my brownies. And there's always leftover frosting. About 20 minutes ago I was just eating the leftovers and then thought "What the hell am I doing? This is bad for my body and health!" So the frosting bowl is now soaking in the sink.

I've been pondering signing up for a 5K this spring but realized I don't want to add to my stress. I decided to do one after the move is over. There's one near where I used to live in WA in June so I'll sign up for that when it gets closer.

End of the month check-in

2009-01-30T14:13:00.001-08:00

I skipped my first weigh-in because of my ER visit but I had no reason to miss this one, thankfully. :) This month has been a good learning experience for me. I feel like I'm finally understanding what works best for me. One of my most recent observations is that I don't think eating lots of mini-meals works well for me. I've always ate small meals every 3-4 hours because I've read it's better for your metabolism. These past few days I've realized this doesn't seem to work well for me. Most importantly, I'm not hungry at all every few hours. I'm filling myself with energy I don't need. Second, because I'm eating every few hours then I'm thinking about food a lot. The more I think about it, the more I want to eat it. I feel like I'm always focused on what I'm going to be eating next and wondering if it's time yet.

I've felt very good this past week. I can almost feel my body changing and saying "thank you!"

This months accomplishments:
- Lost 1.2 pounds. Yeah, not a lot but I'm actually very happy with this. The most success comes from the fact that I didn't gain any weight this month. I've gained about 5 months every month since August/July. I was able to put an end to that pattern.
- I lost 3.5 inches throughout my body.
- My arm muscles feel stronger.
- I ran 1 mile straight today on the treadmill! I was only planning on doing 5 minute intervals but around 5 minutes I was still feeling good so I kept on running. I ran another 1/2 mile later on.
- I've consistently worked out, even with starting school. It's becoming part of my life again.

Things to work:
- Eating: portions, emotional and especially boredom eating. Being conscious of what I'm eating.
- Make better food choices overall.
- That's all for now. Don't want to overwhelm myself.

Another lesson learned

2009-01-23T09:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my first day of classes. And I already learned something! Although, not academia related. There was a girl who was in a few my classes last semester that is also in some of my classes this semester. Right away I noticed she looks 15-20 pounds lighter. She looks really good. And I wanted to run over and tell her that. Then I started doubting myself, wondering if maybe she hasn't lost any weight and I'm imagining it. I started debating with myself through class whether or not I should say anything to her. I decided against it for now.

It was a really good moment of understanding. I now understand how uncomfortable it can be to bring up weight loss to someone, especially when you don't know if they've been trying! I was friendly with her in class last semester so I don't think she'd mind if I did say anything but I don't want to be wrong. This was a great lesson after my post a few days ago. This is why I shouldn't look to other people for support or recognition. Maybe they have noticed but are uncomfortable saying anything.

A future message to myself

2009-01-21T14:24:00.001-08:00

This post is for myself to read when this journey becomes difficult again. I don't want to sink again like I have in the past 6 months. I worked too hard the first time to let this happen and it won't happen a second time. I'm sure there will be many similar posts over time.

I've wanted to use counting calories as a way of tracking food for a long time. In the past few days, I've realized I don't like counting calories. I prefer counting points. I get overwhelmed thinking I only have x amount of calories left a day. Counting points is sort of second nature to me. Therefore, today I switched back to counting points. And I'm doing much better tracking points then calories. Don't know why but I seem to prefer it. So, C, keep on counting points because you know that structure works better for you.

Last night I realized I failed because I became afraid of losing weight. I was too wrapped up in my success and confidence to face other issues. Losing weight is one of the only things in life that is truly your responsibility. In school or work it is easy to pass the blame on to someone else when things don't work out how we want them to. But when losing weight, it is all on you. I realize this is coming across a lot more intimidating then my thoughts were flowing yesterday. The good news is that we are all capable of doing it. Yes, we can look for support from our friends and family, but ultimately, we decide when we workout and what we eat. We also need to trust ourselves and know we can be successful long term.

This is why there is no magic pill or food plan. We have to know what works for our lives and our bodies. We have to understand that responsibility lies in our actions without putting pressure on ourselves. I've yet to figure out how not to put too much pressure on myself.

Baby Steps

2009-01-18T11:29:00.000-08:00

January hasn't shaped up to be the month I thought it would be. I was doing very well with exercising but my eating is not great. Getting healthy and losing weight is a challenging process for everyone. The other day I realized that I think where I went wrong so many months ago was getting too comfortable with my new habits. I hadn't been practicing them long enough. Overtime, I have slowly lost what I learned and went back to where I began.

I think my main problem with committing again is that I haven't decided what works best for me. I'm so insistant about not having to count calories or track my food but I'm not sure that is logical for someone like me. I'm an emotional eater and not very good at watching portion sizes. Therefore, this week I am going to start tracking my calories. When I am not tracking, I am not being honest with myself about what I am eating. I think that I am not eating too much but the scale is a fairly honest picture of the truth.

My ER Visit

2009-01-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

I'll preface this by saying I'm fine (obviously since I'm writing this) but I'll let you get to the end to find out what's wrong cause I'm mean like that. :)

Yesterday morning I woke up around 7:45 (still on winter break!) and started feeling some abdominal pain around 8:30. It wasn't anything too bad but almost felt like I either had to go to the bathroom or maybe even menstrual cramps. I ate some breakfast and then a little before 9:30 went to the bathroom. After I went to the bathroom the pain intensified. I was doubled over walking back to the couch, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I started googling things like crazy, looking at a urinary track infection, kidney stones, general abdominal pain, appendicitis, etc. Every time I moved the pain felt worse. I was hobbling around the apartment to get myself more water, take my temperature, and seeing if moving helped. Well, moving actually made things worse and I finally realized that I just need to sit and not move positions. Around 10 I called my husband to let him know I wasn't feeling well and he was probably going to have to come home to take me to either the doctor or emergency room. I have never gone to the ER before but could tell that my symptoms allowed a visit.

I told my husband I'd call him back within an hour to decide and called my mom. I knew she had kidney stones when I was a baby so I told her and we both thought that's what it was. The only thing that didn't make sense for me was that I drink so much water. While I was on the phone with her I decided I was defintely going to the ER. My pain was still the same and I had felt it for almost an hour now. I call my husband back and tell him he needs to come home to take me.

He got home a little after 11 and we got to the hospital around 11:30. I was checked in around 11:45. The ER waiting room is a really sad place. We saw lots of interesting things. Anyways, I was still in main, but naturally, not nearly as much as early. Yet I had figured out how to not make it so bad - not moving, and taking deep breaths when I did feel pain. We met with the prescreening nurse, who I could tell by her smug face thought I was pregnant. And I know I'm not pregnant. Quite honestly, there was no possiblity...like my husband said to me, he would have had to order a DNA test. :) So the nurse comes back and tells me my urine sample is negative and sends me back to the waiting room to wait for a room. It's around 12:40 or so now. And so we sit and wait. And wait. I figured out the clues to getting in sooner but still waited patiently.

Around 2:20 we were called back and I was given a room. My pain is still about the same as it was when we got there but I do notice it's more intense in my lower abdomin. The doctor comes in, asks me some questions, and says he going to send me for an ultrasound. He thought it had something to do with my ovaries. Um what? Not at all what I was thinking! I guess this is why you don't self-diagnosis yourself online. He says he's going to give me a pelvic exam. He left the room for a bit beforehand so I tell my husband to move the waiting chair up near my head. He didn't need to see that. Everything with the pelvic exam was normal so then I was just waiting around for the ultrasound.

About 3:30 they wheeled me (I've never been wheeled in a gurney before! I felt like I was in a movie) to the ultrasound center. They leave me in the hallway which was strange. I'm only wearing the hospital wraps that don't tie very well and have a sheet covering me. A little after 4 the ultrasound nurse wheels me in to the ultrasound room. So she does a stomach ultrasound and is taking all these pictures of my ovaries and bladder. Then she does a vaginal ultrasound. That was interesting. While I'm in there she tells me the doctor thinks I might have had torsion with my ovary, which if you google, wikipedia only talks about testicular torsion. It's the twisting of the ovary which can cause it to die (didn't know this until later). So that was all finished around 4:30 and then I wait to be wheeled back to my room.

I get wheeled back and just after 5 the doctor comes in with my diagonsis. I have cyst on my left ovary. He explains there are simple cysts, which are more common and usually go away on their on. There are also complex cysts, which are less common, over 4 cm and require a follow-up appointment. Any guesses on what type of cyst I have? My cyst is 4.5 cm so I have a complex one. Now I have to watch for severe pain in case it's causing my ovary to twist and die. I know it's really unlikely but not fun to think about. Also, the doctor said they need follow-up because it can be signs of cancer. Again, highly unlikely.

Nothing causes cysts, they just happen. We left the hospital a little around 6:45, my pain pills in hand. I have to take them if I start to feel pain again. But if I feel excrutiating pain (probably worse then I felt yesterday) then I have to go to the ER.

So that's my day yesterday. Not at all what I was expecting. I'm really glad to have an answer and bit surprised, it's not anything I've ever thought about before. Tomorrow is supposed to be my weigh-in day but I'm going to wait since I'm going to be taking it easy the next few days. I'll update after I go to my follow-up appointment. It should be within the next few weeks.

I'm editing this later because apparently I have some of my information wrong about complex cysts. My husband told me there are a few additional differences but I don't remember the doctor saying anything else. I guess that's why it's always good to have someone else there, if possible.

Live Your Best Life

2009-01-05T21:58:00.000-08:00

I believe that's the term Oprah's using about creating a life balance. I watched her show today where she confessed her new weight and says she can't believe she's still talking about weight loss. Well, me neither! I really thought I had it figured out and it all came crashing down so quickly. Somewhere along the line I had forgotten this is a life long commitment. Just because I was able to change my life for a few months, that didn't mean it was part of me or that it always would be. I'm always going to have to keep myself in check.

I guess it's sort of nice to be able to relate to a successful, multi-millionaire. ;) Live your best life ever!

Hello 2009!

2009-01-01T20:19:00.001-08:00

2009 is now upon us...does it feel any different to you? I'm one of those who seem to get suckered into thinking that the new year really is different and it is a time for change. So with that, I'm revamping my blog and my weight loss journey. A fresh start for 2009. I'm starting over from my current weight. I have a new "beginning" picture on the right and changing my ticker. I'm going do this the way I want to. I am going to focus on eating healthier - fruits, veggies, protein, whole wheat grains, less high fructose corn syrup, etc. I'm going to learn portion sizes again. I'm going to learn to listen to my hunger cues. This is the way I want to live.

My personal goal for myself this year is patience. Patience in my weight loss. Patience with myself. Patience with my husband. Patience with other people. See a pattern? I want to be more positive and have a better outlook.

I have joined a Biggest Loser competition with around 6 other great online friends. We are going to support each other through our challenges in a friendly competition. Our weigh-in for that will be monthly. For blogging purposes, I'll officially weigh-in every two weeks.

I graduate on May 23rd and am already thinking about job interviews. I want to feel confident going in and not be as worried about my weight. I don't want to feel like I'm being judged on my body size. I am going to be confident in the skills and abilities I have to offer, wherever I end up working. Also, because I'll be starting a job sometime this year, I'm going to be buying new items for my wardrobe soon! I'm looking really forward to moving on in that part of my life.

Here's to 2009 - a year of success and accomplishments for us all!

Good bye 2008!

2008-12-31T15:04:00.000-08:00

A year of ups and downs.
A year of extreme happiness and a negative rut.
A year of in control and out of control.
A year of inspiration and challenges.
A year of soul searching.
A year of growth.

While 2008 did not meet my expectations regarding my weight loss, I'm taking what I've learned and moving on in 2009. The path forward is a bright journey, with many hardships, but I will learn how to deal with those times without food for comfort. I will focus on being a healthy person inside and out.

I wish everyone a very blessed, happy, healthy new year!

When it all started...

2008-12-19T09:07:00.000-08:00

We're heading to Ohio because my grandpa is turning 90 on the 23rd. 90! We're all amazed. My mom has been trying to think of a birthday present for months now. Obviously, a 90 year old doesn't need too many things. A few days ago she came up with a new idea to do a picture montage of his life. She spent hours scanning pictures of his life and I've been busy cropping them. Well, I come across these pictures from my first birthday and couldn't help but laugh. I'd have to say this is when my sugar addiction probably began.

Ooooh....what's this??

Yummy!

And one more special picture just because I'm talking about my grandpa. My grandpa never held any small babies - not his own children, not my brother, etc. He was always afraid he'd drop or hurt them. When I was an infant my grandpa was over and my mom turned around and saw he had picked me up. The camera happened to be close so she was able to snap this picture really quickly. I was the only baby he ever held. (By the way, when I told my husband this story, he said "well, I guess he wasn't afraid of dropping you!) Here's the picture

Finals are over!

2008-12-18T11:55:00.000-08:00

Thank God! I was so out of it these past few weeks. I'm very nervous to see my final grades because it seemed like a chunk of my brain went missing while studying. Not a great way to end the semester.

The good news is I've lost 3-4 pounds in the past few weeks. I worked out for the first time (I think this month) this morning! Between finals and a bad cold, I wasn't up to working out. I could definitely tell I need to work my endurance back up. It's just a never-ending cycle, right? :)
I'm working on making better food choices but also not feeling deprived. Seems to be working for me so far.

My plan for today is to make Christmas sugar cookies. My husband and I are going to Ohio for Christmas so I'm going to bring the cookies with me. I don't need to consume 100 cookies, I think that's the normal batch amount. I usually cut it in half because that is a lot of cookies!

I hope everyone is staying warm! It's been really chilly around here and I'm drinking lots of hot chocolate and eating soup to warm up.

Finals

2008-12-08T13:56:00.000-08:00

It's the end my second to last semester of school! Wahoo! But the end of the semester = finals = stress. So I'm now drinking more coffee than normal due to all my last minute studying and essay writing. Unfortunately, I didn't track well over the weekend because I would just wander into the kitchen every few hours to get something to eat. Due to the extra stress, I will not be doing a real weigh in until my courses are over.

Oh yeah, I've also had a crappy cold for the last week. So convenient this time of the year. Anyways, I've completely lost track of everything I was going to say. I suppose this was more of a check-in since I'll be busy until the 17th.

One Day Down

2008-12-03T13:05:00.001-08:00

Wasn't too bad. I'm feeling like I did last year where I'm excited and want to be committed to being healthy. It's going to be interesting to go through all these feelings again!

My biggest temptation yesterday was in one of my classes. We had group presentations and the first group brought in donuts trying to buy our attention. :) The girl sitting next to me was eating one and I actually burst out saying "That smells so good!" She said "I'm impressed at your ability to not eat one." I sort of laughed and explained to her it was my first day of going back on WW.

The apple pie was good though. My husband sliced really small pieces and I was going to say something until I realized it was for the better.

This morning I realized I was using too many points yesterday. I had brought out my old journals from last year to see what I was eating and automatically used the same amount of points that I had from my first week last year. I thought it had seemed like I had a lot of points. I'm glad I realized that quickly, otherwise I might have been confused at the end of the week.

My New Start

2008-12-02T08:34:00.000-08:00

I decided last night that today I'm starting over. I made my husband take the rest of my sweets out of the house this morning. I know I'm capable of not buying (or baking) those things. I've done it before, I'll do it again. I know that I was at a point where I did even care to eat it. And I want to be in that place again. So despite the fact that today is my husband's birthday (which means my starting pic is from 1 year ago now!) I decided I will start today. I'm baking him an apple pie tonight but I'll enjoy a small slice. I'm going to count WW points because I know it works. And I need something that works for me right now. I'm not going to be ashamed anymore for going back to counting.

I think this week will be very hard though because my sweet tooth has taken over my eating. I need to get through the next few days and I'll be fine.

That Special Thing - What is it?

2008-12-01T16:45:00.000-08:00

Did November fly by for anyone else? I can't believe it's December. I lost track of my workout goal about halfway through the month. It probably would have been smarter to keep count using a different method than memory! hahaha But I know I moved more last month then in September and October which is good. I will continue exercising this month. I have finals coming up and it will be a good stress relief.

Eating healthy is so much more challenging for me and I feel like it's all or nothing. I think I'm just going to have to get strict with myself again and deal with balance later on. I try really hard to not think too much about where I could have been if I stuck out the hard times. The other day I was looking at this person's site and was thinking about how dedicated she must have been. I was kind of beating myself up for falling so far off of the wagon until I took the time to read her intro page which talks about how she had lost and gained 20 pounds a few times before. And I think that is really common. It takes something special, something different to make us work hard and fight through our journey. I don't think it's what program, or lack of program someone uses. I think it's their ability to accept the changes they are making physically and emotionally on their journey. It's taking moments along the way to stop and be proud of what you've done. And if blogging or talking about it all the time helps, then do it! Let other people know how successful you've been. We share with others when we are proud of ourselves over other accomplishments - why is weight loss so different? We should share every pound loss, every inch gone, every minute off our mile time, etc. These are huge accomplishments that you have put so much dedication toward.

Whew. I really have no idea where that little tangent came from. Quite honestly, the beginning of this blog was confessions of how crappy I've been eating but I just deleted it because my confessions aren't motivating to me to change what I'm doing now. All of my blogging friends are. I think my new goal for this month is to read your blogs more often. I do notice when I am more active in reading or writing blogs, I tend to do better in eating and excersing.

Holy smokes

2008-11-19T12:12:00.000-08:00

What have I done to myself? I'm starting to realize that I do not see reality unless I see pictures. I got curious the other day and thought I should retake pictures in the same outfit from my last recent weight loss picture. I just took them this morning and I'm kind of in shock. I was actually kind of getting skinny before. I wish I had seen that 6 months ago. I wish I had understood.

When I was watching The Biggest Loser last night I finally felt connected to the contestants for the first time. I never understood the mental battles they were going through.

I also realized that I am not going to be successful until I find that desire again. You all know what I'm talking about. I know what it takes to do lose weight and get in shape. But it doesn't happen until you find that reason that drives you. Until you figure out why you are doing it for you. And I lost that along the way. I got scared. Like many people who battle with their weight, I never realize my full potential. I make excuses for why I do well in school rather than accepting that maybe it's because of me. It's because of who I am.

I will want this weight loss for me again. On the bright side, I am happy that I started this journey last year. I have no idea how much I'd weigh if I hadn't, but I think I would have weight at least 10-15 pounds more than at this time last year. So I have succeeded by doing something.

And I'll post the pictures just because I need to own up to my weight gain. I think I'm pretty much up 20 pounds. I had just taken a shower, hence the wet hair. Now and then.

Exercise Challenge Check-In

2008-11-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

Well, we're 10 days into November and I've exercised 6 of those days. So with 20 days left I'm supposed to workout at least 16 of those days to meet my challenge. Huh. Maybe if I start eating better (portions sizes, healthier snacks and meals) then the scale will start going in a better direction as well.

How many pounds plus or minus a number do you consider maintenance? I usually consider it about 2-3. But now that I've stayed higher in the 2-3 pound range I'm thinking I've actually gained a few pounds. Does that make sense? It could water retention from working out though too. This process stinks.

Can I just say how much I love blogs? I love reading other people's blogs, even if I don't make comments. I think it's pretty darn cool to learn about other people's lives. Actually, I really like looking at their older posts to see where they used to be in life and how things have changed. Life is good.

President Barack Obama

2008-11-07T11:04:00.000-08:00

The results are in (okay, they've been in for a few days) and I'm very happy with America's choice. I wasn't going to blog about it but then I realized I want to remember my feelings at this time. When my kids ask me about the day America elected its first African American president, I want to be able to relive the moment as accurately as possible. Even just typing this now I'm getting emotional. Interestingly, I've heard different reactions. Some people didn't think it was that big of a deal because they didn't see why it wasn't possible. Yes, it was possible but I'm emotional because it actually happened. Electing Obama is a great step for this country and our connection with the world. I'm very excited to see the new direction Obama is going to take our country. He has the ability to be a great leader and I now hope that he proves himself.

My husband wasn't even home when the results were announced. He was on his way home so I was shedding tears all by myself. I wasn't expecting the results to be called so soon (only 8pm my time). I was only half paying attention to Charlie Gibson. Next thing I know he's saying it's over and Obama is the 44th president. It was a very special moment for this country.

Unfortunately, the election was bittersweet for me in California. I was more anxious about Prop 8, which banned same-sex marriage. I'm very saddened that it passed. Our country still has a long way to go in proving equal rights for everyone.

Election Day!

2008-11-03T17:52:00.000-08:00

My 100th post is devoted to reminding everyone to get out and vote tomorrow! I'm very excited and anxious about this election. I'm not going to tell you what/who/how to vote but I do think it's important for everyone to voice their opinion. I already sent in an absentee ballot over the weekend so can avoid the chaos tomorrow. I'm trying to get all my schoolwork done early so I can watch election coverage tomorrow night. Well, I'll watch it either way but this way, I won't feel as guilty for not doing it.

November Challenge

2008-11-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

Since I've been such a slacker for the past 4 months (gosh that's terrible!) I'm challenging myself to workout for at least 20 days this month. Considering I only worked out once last month, this is going to be a big challenege for me! But I want to start feeling the changes in my body again. I love how much stronger I feel and how much more confident I am when I work out regularly. I have more energy and feel I can achieve more.

For months now I've been wanting to buy Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I did the first workout (1 day down!) and um, she kicked my butt. I was laughing at myself cause I could just imagine her yelling at me to keep going and not give up. Luckily, she wasn't really there and I had to take some few second breaks to catch my breath. I really was not expecting it to be so hard. It's just another sign of how out of shape I am now. It's only been about 30 minutes since I finished and body is already feeling it. I'm a little scared for how I'm going to feel tomorrow!

ANTs

2008-10-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

It's fairly obvious I've been dealing with a lot of self negativism lately. And it's really effected (grammar police, did I use the right one?) my motivation to get back into losing weight. Some Weight Watcher members might remember something called ANTs - Automatic Negative Thoughts. I've become so negative about everything in life that I'm not considering any positivity in myself or other people. What sparked this blog? I was on my way to school this morning (I use public transportation) and this old man was sitting behind me. After the first stop I noticed he was muttering to himself. I thought to myself "oh jeez, another crazy one." (Well, it is public transportation and I'm constantly hearing conversations about being on probation because of drugs charges. Or other people discussing other charges). Anyway, I decided to ignore his soft muttering. After a few stops I got distracted and heard him talking to himself again. I then realized what he was doing. He was an old Asian man and practicing the names of the stops. He would repeat the stop name to himself a few times! I felt really bad once I realized this. I just expect everything around me to be bad. His pronunciation wasn't too bad either. I really admired what he was doing and his desire to learn.

I went shopping a few weeks ago because I had to get myself some fall clothes. I am happy to report that despite my weight gain, I still am in the same sizes as before. They are definitely more snug but the next sizes up were too loose. And I feel better wearing things that actually fit.

I've still been following along with my fellow bloggers and am so happy for their success. Sometimes I wonder why I'm still blogging. I'm definitely not inspiring myself or anyone else. But I think this is the reality that some people go through. I'm one of the people who has (temporarily) lost this battle. But I'm also happy to report that I've maintained the month of October. Finally, I feel like I've done something decent in the past few months.

Oh and I'm adding in a picture from a few weeks ago. I was next to a pregnant friend so I had to crop her out!

1 Year

2008-10-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

My blogging anniversary is today. I think that's an accomplishment considering the fact I never expected to actually blog for this long. I am proud of myself that at least I have lost weight in the past year. Of course not as much as I was expecting but losing is always better than gaining. And I've pretty much maintained the last 2 weeks so I'm fine with that for now.

I have a lot to blab about but I'm actually in a good mood today and I don't want to vent and get in a bad mood. Basically, most of this month has been beyond stressful for me. It shouldn't be a surprise I haven't counted points every day.

Yeah, that's all for now. I don't want to get too thoughtful and get upset about where I've gone wrong in the past few months. Sorry this is so short.

Another month gone

2008-10-01T07:50:00.001-07:00

And about 4 more pounds gained. Hmm. So last night I decided to go back to counting points. I'm starting today. I have thought about counting calories but counting points is more comfortable because there's less thinking involved for me. I automatically know what a lot of foods count as. Doing this my own way is not working. The last week I've made a lot more improvements in eating and started exercising, with only another gain to show for it.

I've now gained back about 14 pounds. I'm changing my ticker back to reflect my true weight, which I think will bring me back to the obese category. :(

I'm feeling good about this though. I know that it works and maybe I'll have to approach is a bit different this time. I just cannot let myself gain any more weight back. I worked too hard to slide all the way back to where I was last year.

Another check-in

2008-09-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

I was really hoping I'd have good news and could say I've lost some weight. Even a pound. But instead I've gained around 2 pounds. *sigh* My pants are starting to feel tight and that scares me. It stinks but I know I'll get back to where I was and beyond.

I need to stop baking and buying sweets. I thought I'd be able to balance food and have self control but I don't. So maybe I just need to learn that for my life I can't keep stuff like that around the house. I really preferred trying to live a life of balance but I'm not sure it works for me. And truly, if I try to remember, living off of healthy food wasn't too bad. I rarely ever wanted any junk type food. Only when I eat "bad" food do I crave more of it.

We've made some new plans for next year which has been stressful for me. I'm sure I've mentioned it at some point but we were planning on moving back to Washington (where the majority our family and friends are) after I graduate next May. Instead, we've decided to stay here because I'll have more options when I decide to go back to graduate (possibly law) school in a few years. So now we've decided to take another trip to Europe next May/June. We're looking at going to Norway and Sweden but that isn't official yet.

And last week I started the Twilight book series. I did not think I would enjoy these books as much as I have. I read through the first and second book in about a day each. I was even sneaking in pages during class!

Lastly, I'm not going to participate in the half-marathon this year. I'm not prepared for it in any sense. I don't want to put myself through it without the proper preparation because I think I'd never want to do anything like it again. I believe they have a 5K run on Thanksgiving around here so maybe I'll look into that. It sounds much more doable.

Lessons Learned

2008-09-10T16:24:00.000-07:00

In my attempt to get back in the game, I have realized that there’s a few things I’ve forgotten, or possibly been ignoring the past few months. In reality, I truly haven’t lost any weight since May…so 4 months now! On top of that, I’ve gained back about 10 pounds now. But the scale creeping back up and my new poor eating habits have not made me feel any better. In fact, I’ve started to realize a few things:

1. Lack of Confidence
In the process of gaining some weight back my attitude and thoughts have started to change. I’m becoming judgmental of myself again and not thinking of the positives. I realized this just a few days ago when I was noticing everything wrong about my appearance. When I was losing weight, these negative thoughts had really dwindled. And I think life is a lot better that way.

2. Daily Weigh-ins
As much as I want to believe all the research about how weighing yourself everyday isn’t good for you, I think it works for me. It helps keep me in check. I know that there will be some fluctuations but if it stays up for a few days then I know I need to make some changes. I think stopping WW will help me not get too obsessive about his because I was weighing in at night so I knew about how much I should weigh all day. I didn’t like Wednesday afternoons because I tried so hard to gain extra water weight or eat too much extra food. Also, it would happen that my morning scale would have been down compared to the week before but their scale would have me up a pound. That was frustrating because I went in thinking I had lost weight for the week.

3. Effort/Accountability
Weight loss doesn’t happen on its own. I need to put forth the effort and make better decisions. I need to hold myself accountable for the choices and concentrate on my health and well being. It really is worth it.

What’s strange is how I’m finally starting to hit the point where I did last year before I joined WW. That point where you feel you have no other option because you feel so crummy about yourself. And I’m coming to terms with this struggle I’ve been through. I’m okay with the fact that I’ve gained some weight back. I’m okay that I’m going to try this on my own now.

During my reflection on my weight through life, I have realized that losing weight and maintenance is always going to be a job for me. And it is for most people. I just need to get back to where I was appreciating the healthy lifestyle that comes along with all the effort. I do remember being there and it was great.

Yesterday and today have been great eating days compared to the past few months. I’ve been a lot more conscientious about what I’m eating and trying to make healthier choices. This is a bit ridiculous, and I’m not sure why I’m sharing it, but last night I said to my husband “You know, today is the first day in over 2 weeks I have not had a bowl of ice cream. Well, at least one bowl of ice cream because I usually ate two everyday.” And after saying that I realized how crazy I’ve been!

Hello!

2008-08-31T18:00:00.000-07:00

I've been avoiding blogging since I got back because as everyone knows, it really does take a lot of energy and time. But as I'm catching up on everyone else's blogs, I am very inspired and proud of how far my blogging friends have come in their weight loss efforts. It's amazing to think I've been reading some of these blogs from near the beginning. You all rock! Your dedication is amazing and like I said already, you all inspire me.

Thanks so much for the blogging nomination...at least I think that's what it was. :) Because I was gone during that time I'm out of the loop a bit but I'm very honored I was thought of, despite my slacking off.

I admit I'm now a little jealous of some of you and where you are. But honestly, I know you all deserve it because you've been working your butts off. And I haven't been. I'll just say I'm still working on getting back in the groove. I know I just need to do it. That's how it worked last year and that's how it's going to have to happen again. I never got to finish reading Inuitive Eating because it was due back to the library and some had it on hold. But it's returned now and I get to pick it back up. The main section I hadn't read was about nutrition and I definitely think I need to read that part! I'll go to the libary soon to check it back out.

Thanks for the ongoing support! I definitely have needed it and September will be my turn around month.

Checking In

2008-08-09T09:43:00.001-07:00

Jeez, I'm getting bad about blogging. I think it's another thing my mind is tired of thinking about.

I gained just under a pound this week, which was a bit surprising. Kind of stinks to be going in the opposite direction but according to the Intuitive Eating book, it's normal in the beginning. I feel like I'm in a weight loss identity crisis and don't know which way to go. But I really believe that I'll get this figured out soon. I'll be out of town the next few weeks visiting friends and family in Washington. At the end of the month fall semester starts. I'm really looking forward to it because I need to be busier. If no one has noticed, I've been a bit depressed this summer (which could also explain part of my weight gain).

I've really been sucking at training for the half-marathon. I had not worked out in weeks until yesterday. Well, I've taken some walks but I'm talking about getting my heart pumping and sweating. A few nights ago I start lifting some of my hand weights while watching TV. Then I remember how good it felt to be working out. I could feel that I've lost some of my muscle already. I guess it shouldn't be too much of a surprise. Everything seems to happeen faster when you stop working at it.

I'll probably have no more weigh-in's and very little blogging for the next few weeks. I'm really looking forward to visiting my family and friends.

Weekly Weigh-In

2008-08-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

How could I have forgotten one of my main reasons for doing in person weigh-ins? Accountability! At least when I was going to the weigh-ins a few weeks ago I was maintaining my weight. I gained 4 pounds over the past 3 weeks. Which I'm okay with because I'm still trying to find a new balance that works better for me. I'm still reading Intuitive Eating and trying not to get brainwashed because I love what they are saying so much. I have thought about Core but I still feel like there are some restrictions that I don't agree with. I looked into it a few months ago and they only allow fat-free dairy. If I feel like there are restrictions, it isn't going to work. Instead, I need to learn the Fullness Scale. I'm horrible about recognizing my hunger and fullness and I think to go any further in this process, I need to learn my internal cues and actually listen to them.

And I'll be honest. I know on the Flex program they say you can "eat what you want." Maybe some people do but I don't. I'm much more satisfied eating real ice cream but lived on Skinny Cow products as a substitution because they are still lower in points. But then why didn't I eat a normal portion of the real ice cream? It all goes back to the reason that I don't trust myself with food and I can't read my hunger/fullness cues. I just didn't find the Flex program teaching me how to live for the rest of life. It's great for losing weight but I was always concerned (and think I blogged) about what would happen when I reached my goal weight and had to maintain. Even though I gained weight these last few weeks I feel like I'm making progress. I'm slowly listening to my body and responding to it. It's hard to be conscious of these cues when I haven't been for over 15 years.

And another skipped weigh-in

2008-07-24T18:20:00.000-07:00

This week it was more purposeful. I just didn't feel like going. I didn't want to sit there for 30 minutes and tell myself this next week will be different. I don't think I did half past last week. I started working out again. I'm trying to listen to my hunger. But I'm tired of watching the scale linger around the same number.

I checked a book out of the library called Intuitive Eating. I'm about a third of the way through and on almost every page I read something that makes a little light bulb go off in my head. This book and its philosophy make so much sense to me. I see myself in so much of what they say. But half of me is still hesitant and nervous. Intuitive Eating, from what I've gathered so far, is about listening to your body and eating when and what you want. But you have to learn to trust yourself. Obviously, this sounds like a simple concept but so many of us (especially me) have no idea how to eat.

I like WW in the sense that it has helped me lose weight. But all along, I think I might have even mentioned it in a few posts, I've been worried about how I'm going to count points for the rest of my life. I don't like thinking of things in points value. I can't knock the program because it does help people. And I'm really happy that so many people have been successful on it. But I think about ready to sweep it under the rug and learn how to eat on my own. I'm not quite at that stage but close. I don't feel I'm really in control because I'm being told how many points to eat a day. Even if I'm not hungry, I'm supposed to eat my points.

I'm confused and not sure what to do from here on out. In order to learn Intuitive Eating, I have to eliminate diet thoughts and practices from my mind. That's even choosing a salad rather than pasta because it's healthy. Or eating regular cheese rather than low-fat. I have to learn the basic principles of eating and trust myself. I'm not quite there yet. I'm going to stay in limbo for a few more weeks. But I'm very close to canceling my WW membership. It breaks my heart a bit because I've come to like some of the people at my meetings. I'm sad thinking I won't see them on Wednesday nights anymore.

Germany Pictures

2008-07-21T17:05:00.001-07:00

When I returned from Germany, I said I'd post pictures. We took over 1,000 so it's hard to select just a few.

I'm in trip planning mode right now but we don't know if we're going anywhere soon. I'm trying to convince my husband to go somewhere in March during my Spring Break. It would be our last big trip for a while. We're hoping to move back to Washington next May or June and then plan on buying a house a year after that. I don't see any time (or money) for big vacations between those two things. I think this is our last chance for a few years but I promised to not bring it up again until September. My hope is we can do an Eastern Europe trip and go to Prague, Budapest, and Vienna. A girl can wish.

Berlin

Kaiser Wilhelm Church

Brandenburg Gate

Potsdam Palace

The Rhine Valley
Rheinstein Castle - One of the scariest stairs I've ever walked up.

Bacharach

Munich
Nympenberg Palace

Alpsee Lake

Neuschwanstein Castle

Dachau Concentration Camp
"Work Makes You Free"

Where the bunkers were

Hofgarten

Okay, I started getting less selective towards the end. Whoops. I do believe that I enjoyed this trip 100 times more than if I hadn't lost any weight. This is the first time in years I haven't been as picky about pictures of me because of my weight. And the airplane seats really were more comfortable. I didn't think I would notice such a difference.

The Emotional Journey

2008-07-18T15:53:00.001-07:00

At my doctor's appointment today (everything is fine by the way) she had asked me what I do for exercise. Um well, I was a lot better a few months ago but I just told her mostly cardio. Then she advises me to keep it up as I'm slightly overweight. I told her that I was working on it and I've lost 35 pounds. She congratulated me and asked me what I'm doing.

At the end of the appointment she told me to keep working at it. I said to her that it's an emotional battle as well. And she asked me how I was working on that. Cue the breakdown and tears. This is the problem that I don't want to admit. I tell her it's really hard because most days I still see myself 35 pounds heavier. It sounds crazy. It is crazy but it's because I haven't figured out how to get a handle on my changing body. I have the pictures, I take the measurements, but I still don't accept it. I also told her this because I think some doctors don't realize that most people have trouble with their eating and weight because of the emotional issues involved. I didn't want to start crying about it though.

I'm really tired of not losing anymore weight. And I know it must be so boring for everyone to read about me stuck for the past 2 months. But I'm at a point where I'm trying to accept I have lost the weight. In some ways I'm scared to lose the rest because I'm so used to being overweight. Except for maybe a year during my teenage years, I've always been larger than most people. Even being a teenager wasn't fun because I never had that small lean body. At my lowest weight, I still had a very womanly body with curves. Naturally, this drew unwanted attention from older men...not boys my age which is what I wanted at the time. So in some ways I've always thought I've unconsciously used being overweight as a defense mechanism. I hid behind my fat because I don't want the attention that comes along with being fit person.

I know that's there probably more issues somewhere that adds to all of this. I'm just trying to figure it out. Otherwise, there isn't a way to deal with it right now. I don't want this all to hit me at the end. I'm trying to fix it along the way and I don't think I've been focusing enough on this part so far.

No Weigh-In

2008-07-17T18:36:00.001-07:00

I've had a sore throat since this past Saturday so I skipped the weigh-in this week. Okay, well I skipped for multiple reasons but that was the main one. I also figured I don't want to waste a half gallon of gas to find out I haven't lost any weight. I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for tomorrow, even though I'm feeling better. I'm still going to go because I think it has to do with my tonsils and I want to get referred to an Ears, Nose, and Throat doctor if it happens again.

I started exercising this week which was a big step in the right direction. The half-marathon is going to be here before I know it. I added a ticker to track my miles walked and ran. It does feel good to be in the gym again.

Eating is still so-so. I have tried new recipes but they haven't turned out too well. That's really disappointing because I love cooking but hate doing the dishes. It's even worse when the food wasn't even good.

New Bras!

2008-07-14T08:45:00.000-07:00

I finally worked up the courage to get measured at Nordstroms. I've heard they are really good at measuring and have a great selection of sizes. I know I've needed new bras for a while. My current bras are old and worn, and too big for me since they are the same ones I was wearing 35ish pounds ago. Guilty as charged. I think last year the bras were actually probably too small for me. Before I decided to actually get measured I had been reading online of how to measure yourself. The problem is, it looks like there are a few different ways. I didn't want to be buying bras that aren't a proper fit on me. I'm now a believer in getting measured. The size I ended up buying, I would have never picked up on my own.

I'll tell the whole story because I'm not sure if anyone else has gone before. It seems like it'll be uncomfortable to have someone else measure you, especially when we don't feel happy with our bodies. I decided to get over that because I've read that wearing the proper bra can take up to 10 pounds off your frame.

I went to the lingerie department and just approached a lady working there. I asked her "What do I do to get measured?" She just replied that she could do it and I followed her into the dressing room. She took the measurements with me wearing that lovely old, worn out bra. I have a feeling she's used to that. So she decided I'm a 36C. Boo! I wasn't too impressed because I'm wearing a 38C. She leaves the room to go in search of bras for me to try on. She brings back a 36D. She decided the C cup looked too small. So she leaves the room and I try it on. It looked okay to me but I had clasped the second hook in the back. She comes back in and does the "elasticity" test. She was able to stretch the back too much, especially for it being on the second hook. I never knew that the bra should initially be tight enough to use first hook. Then, as the elasticity wears out, you move inward.

She left the room again because she wanted to try another brand. She brought back a few more 36D's and the same thing happened. Then she decides she's going to bring back a 34DD. Um, what? Now this I would have never thought to look at. She brought back a handful of those and this time she actually stayed in the dressing room and did the unhooking and hooking while I tried them on to speed up the process. It wasn't uncomfortable at all because I figured she's seen tons of breasts and I know she's not really looking anyway. The 34DD fit much better. And I could have kissed her when she said "you're thin right here" while pointing to my rib cage. I did tell her I had lost 35 pounds so she understood I wasn't going to spend a lot of money on bras. Also, I still feel oddly shaped in some ways so I guess I had to validate that to her. Oh, I'm sure I wanted some recognition too.

I bought two bras for 75 dollars. Not too bad and I'm really happy to have the correct size. I'll probably buy some cheapies at Target so I have some more. When I'm finished losing the weight I'll be going back to get remeasured. I imagine there will have to be a change with 25 more pounds.

I also wanted to mention that Nordstrom's half yearly sale starts this Friday, July 18th. It'll end on August 4th. Honestly, I'm not a Nordstrom's shopper. I'm actually fairly cheap about a lot of things, but I'm starting to realize that there are some things in life that are worth the extra cost. We wear our bras for at least 12 hours a day. I think we deserve some good support.

Fiber One Bars

2008-07-11T15:14:00.000-07:00

I'm sure my mom would hate me for telling this story. But it's so funny I have to. A long time ago she told me about fiber one bars and how good they were. For some reason, I ignored her and never tried them. Then I start hearing from other sources how good they are. I also have heard about the side effects but figured they were worth trying. I bought a box a few months ago and they are so good! I don't think I'll ever give these things up.

So last week I report back to my mom and tell her how good they are. She told me she doesn't buy them anymore because she had a lot of gas problems when she ate them. Although, she said it in a way with a hidden message. My mom is not one for talking about such things and neither am I. Hence, why I'm barely even saying the truth. Anyways, so I tell her that it's normal she got like that. Everyone does when the eat a fiber one bar. So she felt better about it.

A few days ago I'm talking to her and she tells me she bought fiber one bars again. Then she tells me she had one at the office and started having gas issues again. She's like "I'm so glad I didn't have a meeting! I would have been so mad at you for talking me into buying those again!" I just start laughing and say "Well, I never eat them in public! I usually eat them at home. Alone. And when D isn't going to be home for a few hours!" Silly lady. What was she thinking? Apparently, she's going to throw the box away. I told her to save them for when I visit next month.

But if you haven't tried them, please do. They are a delicious quick snack. Just make sure you aren't going to be around people for the next few hours.

Weekly Weigh-In

2008-07-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

A gain! Not a big surprise but I went in and faced it. What's funny is how I never, ever considered using my no-weigh in pass when was actually following the program. And now that I'm kmowingly off-track I am way more tempted to use it. This week I got a little "lecture" from the receptionist. She was like "you've lost 35 pounds, you've done so much. You don't want to do this again." Um, yeah, I know. But I guess I'm kind of glad she said something because that's why I do meetings. I like the accountability and well, she noticed I've been lingering at the same weight for the past however many weigh-in's and said something about it. I won't complain because I know she means well and cares. I'm glad she said something. I was sort of wondering if they were ever going to say something.

I really can't pinpoint my loss of motivation. I was so into this just 3 months ago. I was so focused. And I know I'll get to that point again but it really is scary how quickly you can slip back. I wonder if that's what is keeping me here too. I feel like I'm doing a temporary maintanance, almost as a test to see if I can handle this long-term. But if that were the case, I'm doing a crappy job because I'm not eating as good as I should be or exercising. Going to the meetings and keeping this blog is what is keeping me honest with myself. Now I just need to take the next step and recommit myself. Oh, I swear that was just an epihany moment for myself. As I typed it, some inspiration went through me. I know it sounds crazy but it's true. I think the word recommit is what I've been looking for.

My goal for this week is track food and stay on program. I can go over my daily points but not over my weekly. Also, I will be working out at least 4 days. I need to workout. It really does make me feel better.

New Recipes

2008-07-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

After thinking about it today, and then reading everyone's suggestions, I think it's time I start making new recipes. It's the perfect time of the year to try new food. Now, I just need to get my husband on board. I always thought I was a picky eater but he's a simple meal type of man. He doesn't care for lots of flavoring or spices. But I think it's time to make some changes and I have a feeling he'll like the food after awhile. Nobody likes change but we all adjust. I'm comfortable with what I'm eating but I also feel like that routine is making me bored which leads to some overeating.

Smoothies and protein shakes are such a great idea! I will definitely have to pre-blend some so I can just pull one out of the freezer. I actually have protein powder that I haven't used often enough. I should try freezing the grapes too. I've heard of this before and haven't tried it yet. I have some grapes in the fridge so I'll put some in the freezer tonight.

Thanks for all the great suggestions! It's really helpful and motivating to get some new ideas!

Summer = Easier to lose weight?

2008-07-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago at my Weight Watcher meeting my leader asked us all if we found it easier to lose weight during the summer. Everyone raised their hand except for one person. Now I'm thinking I should have joined that other person. I usually gain weight during the summer. I'm one of the few people who doesn't like being outside. It's hot. I worry about getting skin cancer because I was outside a lot as a child and I used a tanning bed in my teen years. So even though I slather sunscreen all over my body, I'd still rather be inside. I find I have less energy because of the heat and when I workout, I get sweaty faster. I love summer fruit. Maybe too much. Strawberries and watermelon. Yum! But the short availability of these fruits make me eat less veggies. Then of course there's the temptation of drinking high calorie blended coffee drinks to cool myself down. I also don't like cooking as much because it warms up our apartment too much. We have A/C but we have no window in our kitchen so all the warm air is trapped in there while I'm cooking.

I'm already kind of looking forward to fall. Don't hurt me! Until then, I'll just have to deal with it and do what I can.

And if it isn't obvious by the tone of this post, this hasn't been a great week for eating healthy. I can also blame the fact it's just about time of the month so I'm getting and giving into a lot more cravings than normal.

Weekly Weigh-In

2008-07-04T09:28:00.001-07:00

I lost .4 this week. I was expecting more so I was a bit disappointed. My home scale was being pretty nice all week and then Tuesday and Wednesday it went up a little. I don't know why but it is what it is. I feel like the slowest turtle of them all right. I suppose it's fairly normal for the weight loss to slow down but I'd be happier with sticking closer to a pound a week. That's all I want. :)

Two of my classes are over next week so I'm sure I'll have more time to the blogging world after that. I still have one left that ends in August. And then only two more semester left! I never thought the end would be so close.

Happy 4th to everyone! Eat well and stay safe!

New Clothes!

2008-06-30T15:05:00.000-07:00

I bought two new shirts, capri pants, and a skirt from Target this past weekend. I had such a great time trying things on. I don't really need new clothes but I think they are a great motivation boost while losing weight. I am glad I tried things on because I am now fitting into medium shirts. Holy crap. I have no idea how that happened. I tried on different brands and all the larges were just too big so I happily tried the mediums instead. The capri's are a new size (12) and are a little snug but I think within 5 pounds they'll be comfortable.

Now, I just need to master shopping without buying things just because they fit. That's why I only go to Target. I'm afraid to go to the mall.

I've done a fantastic job at tracking this week and feel so much better. I really feel I'm getting back in the groove of things.

Weekly Weigh-In

2008-06-27T09:23:00.001-07:00

I weighed in on Wednesday anyway. I really didn't want to use that pass. And I actually lost the tiniest amount possible, .2, so I did get to change my ticker. Thank you for the support! I do need it and I think writing out the truth has helped me turn around. Yesterday I tracked, met all the healthy guidelines, and felt really good about it at the end of the day. I didn't eat mindlessly or just eat to eat.

I'm going to do my best this week to not weigh myself every morning this week. I think that's also causing some of this because I'm starting to downplay daily fluctuations. I think "oh, well I was down a pound yesterday so it'll go back tomorrow." But then it doesn't. And I'm pretty sure that's how I gained all the weigh to begin with. I didn't think it was real. I thought it was just a normal thing to be up a pound, then two more, five more, and on and on.

Here's to a better week where I actually will lose weight because I put forth the effort!

Tyra Won an Emmy

2008-06-25T14:39:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about this post for the last week. Actually, I think it needs to be written for myself. I confess that I am on the track to failing. Ouch. I don't want to use that term but it's the truth. I'm scared. I don't know what to do to get myself back to working out regularly and tracking. I try for a day and then let life get in the way. Tonight I am planning on using a no weigh in pass because I cannot see a weight gain. I think it'll do me worse than using the pass. I never wanted to use one of those passes but I feel like going to the meetings is at least holding on to something.

I need to go back and read my first week materials again. I need to not be so hard on myself. I need to be honest with myself and track my food. I need to think about why I'm eating. I'm finding myself eating for no reason. I'm just eating to eat. I am eating for the taste of food. And that is what got me to where I was last year. I can't even explain how much this sucks to really be admitting this.

Tyra Banks won an Emmy for most informative he talk show on Friday. It made me laugh yet last week I stopped on her show during channel surfing. There was some guy on there with a big blank piece of paper. He divided the paper into two sides. One side was Things I Can Control and the other was Things I Can't Control. What a concept. I need to stop stressing for no reason. I can control certain things right now like my eating, staying on top of my course load and not stressing about things so far away. I am getting very worried about graduation next year. Unfortunately, I can't stop thinking about it because in my writing class we're being forced to think about it. But I can just accept that however next May and June rolls out, I won't be able to control all of it.

So oh please. I want my spirit to come back. I know I have not plateaued since I'm not even trying. I'm just "maintaining" but barely at that. I shouldn't be doing that right now. I should be trying to lose weight.

My health is a priority. That is what pushed me to start this in the first place. I don't like being overweight. I don't like worrying about future diseases. I will put my weight loss back where it belongs. It is important.

Weekly Weigh-In

2008-06-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what week I'm on anymore. I'm not sure it really matters for me. Seeing or thinking about the time factor seems to make me more stressed out. I wonder why I haven't lost more by a certain time or how much I'll lose by a certain week. I'll get there eventually.

This week I lost exactly what I gained last week. Yay! And now my ticker is accurate! I never change it because I find it to depressing to see I gained weight. Since I do morning weigh-in's, I believe I'm retaining water from working out this week. I had dropped a good two pounds and then Monday morning my weight shot back up. I ate 10 times better this week so I'm contributing the sort-of gain to the exercise. I'm just glad I lost something.

On Wednesday I walked/ran for 40 minutes and went 3 miles. I think I might start keeping official track of how many miles I go while working out. It might encourage me more over time. I'm enjoying getting back into running. Although, I'm no longer following C25K. I'm just doing my own interval type training. I'm officially registered for the half-marathon too. I'm a bit excited thinking about it but it's still a long ways off. I'm glad I have so much time to prepare!

Feeling Skinny

2008-06-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been strange for me. I think my mental image of myself is finally catching up to my true image. I'm not seeing a huge stomach anymore. I'm starting to notice myself slimmer and it feels great. I'm sure it also helps that I've been seeing the numbers on the scale moving down too!

Today I tested myself to see how far I could run/walk on the threadmill in 1 hour since I'm so concerned about the half-marathon. In 57:30 minutes I went 4 miles. I ran 24 minutes of that and walked the rest. I'm not really sure what a practical goal is but I hope to add on at least another half a mile to my hourly rate. The last 10 to 15 minutes I was walking at a very comfortable pace. I would think in 3 months I could make good improvements on my time.

It looks like my first 5K will be on September 27th. It's the weekend before the half-marathon but it's what works best for me. I think I'm going to either love or hate exercise after that two week period!

Making Progress

2008-06-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy I've been tracking my food and counting points. It helped me pinpoint an issue as to why I'm overeating so much. Yep, I figured it out that quickly! Tracking is wonderful. Anyways, I realized that I've been overeating in the afternoon, around 3-6ish. I realized that my new issue is that my husband is no longer getting home a regular time. This actually started in early May, right around when I stopped tracking. So I just eat and eat until he calls and says he's coming home. Then I'll start dinner. My new rule is I'm just going to eat dinner when I'm ready and not wait for him. I prefer to eat with him but it's isn't practical for me to wait until 7 or 8 o'clock. Unfortunately, last night I tried this and started making pizza. As I was sprinkling my shredded cheese on the pizza, I noticed something smelled (or smelt?) funny. I looked down at the cheese and realized some of it was moldy. EW! I have no idea why since the bag said it expires this September. So the pizza went into the trash. I was really disappointed.

I looked into my half-marathon information today. I need to register since I was supposted to register before my last WW meeting. I'm not quite sure why I agreed to a 13 mile run/walk. What was a I thinking? It looks to be a pretty big event. I did the elliptical today but need to start training on the treadmill. There's no way I expect to run 13 miles (ever) but I need to get prepared for that distance. It's in early October so I have just over 3 months. It's exciting to think about because I never would have thought I'd be involved in a half-marathon. The joys of making changes!

Weekly Weigh-In

2008-06-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

A small gain of .8 but I deserved it. What's a bit sad is how I can gain a pound while on track and doing everything right. Oh well. Not going to worry about that too much. I put too much pressure on myself.

So my regular after weigh-in phone call to my parents didn't go well. I usually talk to my dad since my mom goes to an exercise class on Wednesday nights. Well, they went to their financial planner last night so I got to talk to my mom instead. To make a long story short, I don't think she gives me credit for what I've done. I don't think she understands that I think of this as a lifestyle, not a diet. I was honest with her and explained why I gained weight and she starts lecturing me. I had to just tell her to stop and basically not give me any "advice." It's so frustrating. I know she means well but it's really upsetting. I was perfectly fine with gaining weight and she made me feel pretty crappy about it. I'm only human. Losing weight isn't as simple as flipping a switch and eating right. I wish it was but it isn't. If it was, people wouldn't have so many problems staying healthy. I almost think she somehow wants this for her and not really for me. Does that even make sense?

On a positive note I am tracking today (although already way over points) and I worked out yesterday. I'm happy to making these steps towards being focused again. My goal for the week is track everything but not worry about staying within points. I've been overeating so much I'm not sure it's possible to cut my calories that much right now. I also plan on exercising at least 3 days.

Oh and WW actually now has flavored straws for 0 points. Seriously. We got a sample one last night. Perhaps I'll try it for fun one day.

Off-Track

2008-06-09T12:48:00.000-07:00

I think I've somehow tricked myself into thinking I'm still on track because I start out eating my normal breakfast. So I mentally count how many points I have. And then lunch roles around and any effort is gone for the day. The good news is we just got back from grocery shopping today (no school on Monday's and husband has Sunday, Monday's off). Now I am well stocked up on fruits, veggies and healthy snacks. I bought some skinny cow products to help me transition back into healthier eating. I'll use them to satisfy my cravings instead of frappicino's.

We took a walk last night which was the first physical thing I've done all week. I need to remind myself that it's okay to incorporate the changes slowly again. I can't jump back into where I was a month ago. To get there had taken me almost 6 months.

Lessons from Germany

2008-06-06T18:57:00.001-07:00

I think that many of the things I noticed might be common throughout Europe but I can't say for sure so I'm giving credit to Germany. I'm still quite impressed that I didn't gain any weight. Seriously, very impressed. My husband thinks we averaged walking about 10 miles a day so I know that's why I didn't gain any weight. But also, we didn't really schedule any time to eat so we picked up pre-made sandwiches, pastries and pretzels on the go. I believe we only ate at a sit down restaurant 3 nights while we were there. We had a jammed packed schedule that didn't allow time for rest. I'd do it again anyway even though today is the first day I haven't felt tired.

Any sort of Weight Watcher thoughts went out the window the morning we left. Actually, that reminded me. Remember all the trouble we kept on having with our flights? Well, we got to American Airlines at 5 in the morning to check-in for our 6:50 flight. We had tried checking in the night before but it told us we had to do it in person. So anyways, the agent can't find our ticket number. She sees all our info and that we should be on the flight but no ticket number reservations are coming up. Now, my husband is the King of Patience. It's one of the things I admire and sometimes get frustrated with. Well, it helped me with this because the woman was trying so hard to get us new numbers issued. I think she was actually shocked at how calm we were. Apparently when British Airways changed our flight schedules a few months ago they never re-issued new ticket reservation numbers for our first and last flight. We stood there for an hour and half and she finally just sent us through security without real tickets. British Airways actually had the nerve to suggest that we buy new tickets to Chicago! Hopefully, if anyone is reading this part they are somewhat understanding this. I'm trying to make it as short as possible. Anyways, the lady at American Airlines was fantastic and I think it is ridiculous she had to spend her time trying to solve British Airways mistake. We still need to write letters about that. I had said if one more thing happened with British Airways we would write to them and that was the last strike for me. Yes, so anyways, that was a great beginning to our journey. Luckily, that was the only plane related issue.

Okay, back to food. Months ago I had a plan to try and follow some WW guidelines during our trip. I thought about getting a Subway sandwich at our layover in Chicago, packing healthy snacks, etc. I figured I could at least be healthy until I got there. Well, that didn't really work out but it's probably because I haven't been the best Weight Watcher for the past month. So here are the main things I noticed on our trip abroad.

1. Dessert Forks. Now I'm sure we have these small things in America but I'm not sure I've ever used one or been given one. My husband and I shared a wonderful apple strudel the first night we were in Berlin. I actually think it's probably the best thing we ate the whole time we were there. Anyways, we were also given small dessert forks to eat with. Ah-ha! How smart to use a smaller fork so you take smaller bites and enjoy it longer. Those smart Germans.

2. Walking everywhere. Yeah, this is a kind of a given and I understand we were in metropolis areas where walking and public transportation were widely available. But even the smaller towns had train stations that people walked to and used to get to work or school. I know the amount of walking is what really helped me not gain any weight. It was hidden exercise. Because everyone was out walking it felt safe. Around here, I won't even walk the mile to where I use public transportation because I'm too nervous. I think it would be incredibly smart of America to start investing and designing better public transportation systems as soon as possible. I actually really miss using the subways and trains.

3. ONE scoop of ice cream. My husband and I ate ice cream almost every night we were there. I learned that I am completely satisfied with one scoop of ice cream on my cone. But I'm pretty sure their scoops and cones were even smaller than ours. They didn't stuff a huge scoop onto the cone. Just one small scoop and you were given your ice cream. It wasn't expensive either. I would much rather pay 1.50 for a small scoop of ice cream than 5.00 for fattening filled creation. I must add that the last night I didn't even have any because I didn't want any. Imagine that. I am learning something.

4. Quality Chocolate. There was so much chocolate to chose from it was impossible to try it all. I learned very quickly was I didn't eat a whole bar because the chocolate itself was satisfying. It actually confused me that I would eat two small squares and package the rest of it up for later. I finally realized that because the chocolate was so good I wasn't eating more to be satisfied. I suppose that means I'll only buy better chocolate from now on. It might be a bit more expensive but it could save me hundreds of calories.

5. Smaller drinks. In the theme of smaller things, their drinks fit right in. Actually, this is a side thought but I just realized I don't think I ever saw someone carrying around a Venti drink. I mostly only saw talls and the occasional grande. It makes me wonder if Venti was even offered. We ate at Pizza Hut one night (we just were looking for something fast and it was there). The size of cup we were given was so small! But you know what? It was all we needed with our pizza. We didn't need to guzzle down 20 ounces of soda. We were satisfied with what we were given. Even in restaurants the glass they served drinks in was smaller than ours.

Hopefully there aren't too many mistakes in this. I wrote it on two days because I didn't intend for it to be so long. I have to admit I'm still not tracking that well but I suppose I could be doing worse. But I could be doing better. I'm just starting to get my butt in gear with school which is scary since 2 of my classes are only 6 weeks long.

Week ?? Weigh-In

2008-06-04T21:30:00.001-07:00

I wasn't looking forward to my meeting tonight. I didn't want to sit through the usual discussions. It's all just a reminder of how I'm supposed to be living life again. (I know, my life isn't that miserable but I enjoy sulking sometimes). I lost .4 the past 2 weeks which I'm quite happy about. I suppose all the walking really did help keep off the extra calories. It also brought me to a total of 35 pounds!

The meeting itself was really good. I think it helped push me back into getting on track again. I'm still resisting a bit. It's so easy to slowly get "off the wagon" but it's a lot harder to get back on. My leader is doing a weight loss competition between the 4 groups she leads. She said our group tends to have higher weight losses but I'm curious if she told everyone that to help motivate them. It goes through Labor Day weekend so it'll be another thing to concentrate on. Also, 3 women in my meeting and I decided to sign up for a race in October. It's a fairly popular one and I was considering doing it anyway. I'm excited to be doing it with other people. I believe it's actually a half marathon but our goal is do the 5K portion of it and walk the rest. I still plan on doing a 5K in September as well since my birthday is in the beginning of the month. I need to get back into the C25K program and start training.

I also decided to change my ticker to my Weight Watcher goal. I was only 1.2 pounds away from reaching my first personal goal but I think that might have been adding to my lack of motivation. I wasn't seeing the big picture as much anymore. I need to see that I still have a while to go and I need to work towards that. Hopefully, this will also help me jump back on track. I'm excited that I've already lost over half of my goal!

I know this week is going to be a challenge for me. I'm going to have to slowly go back to eating better, otherwise it's too overwhelming.

Home!

2008-06-03T17:32:00.000-07:00

I've been home for a few days but I'm not enjoying come back to reality of regular life. Even writing this blog is another reminder of how I'm no longer in Germany. *sigh* I actually had no problem coming home because we had a 3 hour layover in Seattle. What's so exciting about that? We are from the Seattle area and so my parents, brother and his girlfriend met us at the airport. I hadn't seen my parents in almost a year - just 2 weeks shy. I had seen my brother last August but still also close to a year. I was so excited to see them that I didn't think about how depressing it was to be home until we got out of the taxi outside of our apartment complex. On Monday we rushed around doing errands and I fell asleep for 4 hours in the afternoon due to jetlag. I didn't even realize I had it! I started summer session today and already feel overwhelmed by all the school work for the next few weeks.

Germany was great and I think I might have lost weight. Amazing after eating pastries, gummy bears, chocolates, and apple strudel for 11 days! I'll find out officially tomorrow night. I'll have to write a blog in a few days about all the differences I noticed between German's eating habits and American's. I'll have to post some pictures another time. I can't even think about taking the time to chose the photo's right now. There's too many I love!

Okay, I lied. Here's one of me in Munich at the Englisher Garten. It was beautiful! This was also our last day in Germany.

Week 25 Weigh-In

2008-05-21T21:46:00.001-07:00

I made it to my weigh-in tonight! My last final was this morning and it felt great to walk off campus and be finished with this semester. Now there's just the anticipation of waiting for grades to be posted! Luckily, I know unless I somehow really screwed up my finals I've at least passed every class. The real question is what grade I got in my classes.

Anyways, my weigh-in tonight was good. I lost 1.8 which I consider pretty damn good since the past two weeks I haven't been tracking. I have been trying to follow some WW guidelines such as eating fruits and veggies and exercising. I've also been trying to get in my water. But I haven't been actually tracking or worrying about what I've been eating. I know this sort of thing won't always happen but it's nice to know that I have learned some of WW habits and am applying them off the program.

This is my last post since I'm leaving for Germany soon. My blogging skills sucked this month and I apologize. I became too busy with finals and trip planning. I wish all my blogger friends lots of luck while I'm gone and hope you all have good weight loss numbers for me to read about when I get back. I'll be guiltlessly indulging in some German cuisine and hoping that all the walking will be enough to work off the calories. Auf Wiedersehen!

Week 24 Weigh-In

2008-05-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

No weigh in this week! I had 2 finals on Thursday and decided not to go on Wednesday night. I didn't want to take an hour and half to go to the meeting. Also, I didn't want to add any extra stress by worrying about losing or gaining. (I'm fairly certain I would have lost a little though). I did think of just weighing in but then I decided I didn't want to waste a gallon of gas.

I had another final today so I'm over halfway finished. Just two more next week. I'm feeling fairly good about the one's I've done so far.

Oh we're also in the middle of a heat wave and record temps. We've been in the low 100's/high nineties.

Things have not been normal for me this past week. I didn't realize it would be this crazy. I've pretty much given up on trying to worry about actual tracking until we get back from Germany.

Off Track

2008-05-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what's happened these past few days. I'm totally off track and not sure why. I start out fine and then I just start eating whatever I can find. I guess it's not horrible since it's the first time I've done this in 23 weeks on Weight Watchers. I've had 23 weeks of being on the program. I guess it isn't a surprise I'm having a bad week. I think the main reason for this is I'm tired of the food I eat. I need to find new meals and snacks. Unfortunately, I'm not up for trying new foods right now since we're headed to Germany very soon and trying to cut back on groceries. I'm not about to fill our pantries and then leave for 11 days. I have no idea what I ate yesterday. And I don't think what I was eating was really satisfying me either. I'm searching for something but I don't know what it is. If I knew what I was craving I'd just eat it to end this pointless eating.

Oh well. I guess it's not possible to always have a good week, even if you believe your lifestyle has completely changed. I suppose that's the lesson for me.

C25K Week 5 Finished

2008-05-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

This morning I ended up jogging day 3, (better known as the dreaded 20 minute jog in my mind). Yesterday I went with some friends to Santa Cruz so I decided I didn't want to get up early just to do day 3. Yeah, I was giving myself an excuse. This morning I was a bit nervous and really glad that no one else was in the gym when I got there. I think I was one of the only people awake in my apartment complex. I start jogging and things were going fine. 5 minutes went by and I was feeling good. After 8 minutes I started doing a mental countdown "only 12 minutes left." Around 10 minutes I started really concentrating on TV. Too bad nothing is on TV on Saturday mornings. I was watching MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen and music videos on VH1 and CMT. Anything to keep me distracted! At about 7-8 minutes left I was starting to get anxious. I switched it over to mileage so I wouldn't know how much time is left. Finally I felt it was close enough to 20 minutes and switched back to the time and I was like 3 seconds over 20 minutes. Woot! I did it! Thank God for TV to keep me distracted.

I realized that this is probably the first day in my life I've ever ran for 20 minutes straight. I've ran the mile before in high school but usually finished around 9-10 minutes. It's so nice to know I can do, have done it and can do it again.

I ate like crap yesterday. My philosophy all day was something like this: "Points? What are those?" I had nachos, a caramel frappicino (at least I only had a tall), a rice krispie treat, chow mein and some other stuff in between that I probably don't remember. I've redeemed myself a bit today but need to work on eating some more fruits and veggies.

Week 23 Weigh-In

2008-05-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

I was so close to skipping this weigh-in last night. I knew I was going to gain and had the "excuse" of a project worth 20% of my grade due today. But I decided to go anyways since the project was almost finished. I gained 1.4. I knew I was going to gain but I thought it was going to be less than a pound. I'm not sure what happened last week. I think a lot of it had to do with my eating on Tuesday and Wednesday. I was working on the project at the library with other students and didn't eat for hours. And I wasn't drinking any water because we were all so focused. So I think I really screwed up my body those two days and the gain was worse than it should have been. Oh well. Also, I went to the baby shower on Saturday. I'm not sure how poorly I ate that day but I didn't think it would be enough to make a difference. Maybe it did. It was hard to count points on a lot of the food and I must have underestimated.

I'm hoping that my body at least stays in balance and maintains through finals the next 2 weeks. I don't want to gain just over stress and an unusual schedule. That would not be very motivating.

Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to run my Day 3 of Week 5. I'm a bit nervous since it's the 20 minute run. I really don't feel prepared to jump from running 8 minutes to 20 minutes straight. Seriously, it seems like whoever created that running plan missed a week or two. I guess they know what they're doing but I don't think it's going to be very fun.

Happy Anniversary!

2008-05-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

2 years ago this morning I was a very calm bride. (Seriously) My bridesmaids were still asleep so I went and got dressed to go eat breakfast at the hotel. A lot of family had come in from out of state so I figured I should go spend time with them while I was awake. I think they were surprised to see the bride so calm on her wedding day.

We had a wonderful wedding day. I'm so proud to be married to my husband. He's a great man and sometimes I'm not sure how I got so lucky. I always look forward to our future because I know there are lots of great things we will do in life.

This morning my alarm went off and I thought "I don't want to go workout. I just want to sleep." Then I dozed off for a few more minutes. I woke back up and realized "Oh, it's our anniversary! I need to sign D's card and sneak it somewhere where he'll find it." We decided to not actually do anything special since our Germany trip is in a few weeks and we're spending enough money on that. We're skipping a dinner out and will enjoy leftovers tonight. Married life is so romantic. Oh, and I did workout this morning. My anniversary forced me to get out of bed.

Just some pictures of us! Our wedding day, 1st Anniversary in Cancun, Mexico and last week in Monterey, California

Choosing the Right "Diet"

2008-05-05T18:59:00.000-07:00

Today my parents started the "Fat Flush Diet." Hmm, yeah, okay. Sounds like a great plan. I use the term diet in quotes because it's just what most people say when they decide to change their habits. I don't think of Weight Watchers as a diet. I'm not at all convinced about this Fat Flush Diet my parents are starting. My mom gave me the details and I'm don't see it being realistic. The first two weeks are basically following a strict list of foods. Or at least that what it sounded like to me. I'm really not happy about them doing this because I know it's not practical for them. It's too drastic of a change and highly doubt it will last.

But they are doing it because my dad has been diagnosed with Fatty Liver. Interestingly enough, a few years ago I went to the doctor to see if I had hypothyrodism (wanting to have some excuse as to why I couldn't lose weight) and that came back negative but my liver levels were high. She sent me to get an ultrasound and after a second blood test nothing appeared to be an immediate threat. I had read online about high liver levels and found that Fatty Liver seemed to be the main cause. I was never diagnosed but it seems I was on my way there. My dad's stupid doctors told him to stop drinking alchohol. Um, he rarely drinks so that is not the issue. He tried to tell them that but my mom's convinced they must have thought he was an alchoholic. Nope. Anyways, so I'm glad they're trying to make changes on their own but I don't think it'll work. I don't think either one of them is going to like it. I take after my dad's side of the family and so I know he could lose some weight. I just wish he would go about it in a better way.

I don't think Weight Watchers is for everyone. I think we all need to find what works best for us but I would still never discourage anyone from trying Weight Watchers. I think my dad isn't willing to try it because it takes a lot of effort. Honestly, what he's doing now is easier because it tells you exactly what to do. Also, my mom's doing most of the food prep. I hope he gets something figured out since he'll be turning 60 this year. He does need to find a way to get healthier and stick to it.

I'm not sure which other weight-loss programs I really believe in. While I do like Weight Watchers I still think there are some negatives. Some people get obsessed about counting points or feel guilty when they go over. Personally, I worry about maintance and wonder if I can do it without counting points. Counting, tracking, listing anything seems daunting for the rest of my life. Maybe it would be best to only journal the food a few days a week to help stay on track without feeling overwhelmed.

I think maintaining weight loss is going to be much harder than the work to lose the weight.

Measurements Update

2008-05-02T12:47:00.001-07:00

These months seem to be going by so fast. I've mentioned before that I've only been measuring one of my thighs and one of my arms because I figured they were fairly similar. I had someone comment and say I should actually measure both since they could be different. So I started that today!

Since my last measurements on April 2:
Bust: - 1 inch
Upper rib cage: - 1 inch
Waist: - 1 inch
Hips: Same
Right Thigh: Same
Left Thigh: .5 bigger than right thigh
Right Arm: -.5 (FINALLY! I had the same measurements 3 months in a row)
Left Arm: .5 smaller than my right arm.
Total loss this month: - 3.5 inches

Overall Total Loss
Bust: - 4 inches
Upper rib cage: At least 3 inches (don't have measurements from last September)
Waist: - 4 inches
Hips: - 5 inches
Right Thigh: -1.5 inches
Left Thigh: ? Probably - 1 inch at least
Right arm: - 2.5 inches
Left arm: ? Probably - 1 inch at least
Total since last September: - 22 inches
I hope I did my math right! Measuring can actually be hard because it's difficult to make sure you're measuring yourself in the same place every month

C25K Week 4 Done!

2008-05-02T12:36:00.000-07:00

Ah, I'm done with week 4! I'm starting to realize this is much more a mental challenge than a physical one for me. (Okay, I'm sure I'll take that back next week!) This week the workouts were running 3 minutes, walking 90 seconds, running 5 minutes, walking 2.5 minutes, running 3 minutes, walking 90 seconds and then running another 5 minutes. Whew. It can get confusing! I always have to write down the time increments on a post-it note. Okay, and I'm kind of cheating again and I've been ending the session with an 8.5 minute run rather than a 5 minute one. I just keep on going to see what I can do.

While I am proud of myself for doing this, I'm not surprised. I am capable of doing what I want to do. Losing weight has really seemed to help me find self-confidence I never thought I had. I'm going to have to blog about this more one day because it's amazing to reflect on the differences in myself since losing weight. I really do think I'm much more happy, confident and driven. I don't think it's just the actual weight loss itself but also the process. It's a "can-do" attitude. I can do what I want, I just have to put forth the effort and keep going at it.

As I was walking back to my apartment after my Wednesday run, I was thinking about how I should be proud of myself. And then I realized what the guys on the Biggest Loser were talking about with "1, 2, 3 PRIDE!" I thought it was stupid at the time and didn't understand what they meant. But now I get. Pride. You need to be proud of what you've done and how far you've come. You need to take to reflect on your accomplishments and recognize what you can do now.

Week 22 Weigh-In

2008-04-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

What a great week following my last weigh-in. I love when I drop a point, there's always bigger losses for a while. It just makes me nervous because I hate gaining any of it back. So I lost 2.2 which was a bit of a surprise. I know, I always say that. I think it's because I never know what to expect. I'm so excited to be only 2 pounds away from my first goal. That is crazy. I think I have a great shot of making it before Germany since I have 3 more weigh-in's before we leave. Even if I have a bad week I'll still have 2 other weeks to make up for it. But I shouldn't worry about getting there because it's just a number. It's not like I started WW with this goal. It only happened recently because I realized how close I am.

My two challenges for this next week are a baby shower on Saturday and our 2 year anniversary is on Tuesday. I'm not sure if we're going to go out to dinner to celebrate or not. I'm thinking we might try and do something on Sunday night since it will be easier to go out at night and then I don't have to worry about the weigh-in the next day. I also hope I'm able to stick to my normal workout schedule this week. I missed two days because of going to Monterey and yesterday morning I got up early to study instead of working out. I'm glad that missing those workouts didn't seem to effect my weight loss this week. I also prefer exercising so I don't like missing my workouts. It makes me feel so much better all day.

Tired and Busy

2008-04-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

I'm just drained after this weekend. I feel so mentally exhausted. Today I realized that I'm going to be much busier than normal for the next few week since I have end of the semester papers and finals. Therefore, I will probably not be devoting as much time to my blog. I need to concentrate on school and health and fitness first. I'll still update with my weigh-in's but I don't expect to be blogging as much.

We had a really nice time in Monterey. I think I did good eating. The first night I declined apple pie and had strawberries instead. The second night I went ahead and had a small slice of the pie. We didn't eat out that much so I didn't have to worry too much about restaurant food and figuring out points. It's much easier to do with home cooking. We walked around a lot yesterday so I'm assuming I got some activity points for that. I usually exercise on Sunday's but didn't do anything specifically since we were out of town. Although, a sure sign of how much this is a lifestyle for me is that I did look up where we were staying and checked to see if they had a fitness center. Unforunately, they did not. I was proud of myself for thinking to look it up.

My mind is drained so sorry if something doesn't make any sense. I have a test tomorrow for a math class and don't feel I have the mental capability to study for it this afternoon. Also, my in-laws drove up to visit us today so they are out spending the day with my husband. I have no idea what time they're leaving and what to do about dinner. Oh well.

C25K Week 3 Finished

2008-04-26T09:14:00.000-07:00

I finished my Day 3 of Week 3 yesterday. Week 3 consisted of 2 repetitions of jogging for 90 minutes, walking for 90, jogging for 3 minutes and then walking for 3 minutes. I really don't have much to say about this week. It went by really fast and I forgot to write about it yesterday so I can't remember anything significant. I did look ahead to see what I have to do the next few weeks and got really intimidated by week 5. The third day of week 5 is running for 20 minutes. I suppose I still have 2 weeks to get there but it seems so soon. I plan on starting week 4 on Monday since I'll be out of town tomorrow.

I had a good workout today. I did the elliptical which I haven't done in a long time. It was nice do something different. I think that's so important while working out. It's so easy to get into a rut which then causes me to not want to work out. I'm really looking forward to summer so I can start swimming at night. I've always loved swimming. It's my favorite form of exercise. There's something about being in the water that I've always loved. In one of the houses I grew up in we had a pool. I'd swim in it all day long during the summer. I'd even go in during March when the water was only in the high 60's. Not too much longer before I can start my summer swimming!

Week 21 Weigh-In

2008-04-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

I had a great weigh-in and it was much better than I was expecting. I lost 2.4 this week! I'm still not sure how some of these losses happen. I do feel I work hard but it's more than I think it'll be. I'm excited that I'm now 4.2 away from my first personal goal. That's crazy! I said to my leader "Now I'm half-way to my Weight Watcher goal." And she looked all confused and said "You're going to lose 29 more pounds?" Yep! It's there, believe me. I didn't tell her but that's just the weight I want to get to and decide if I want to lose anymore. Once I get there I'll be happy and won't put as much pressure on myself to lose. I'll be happy to let whatever else I want to lose happen slowly.

I also finally dropped into a new decade so I lose a point. I'm weird and have been looking forward to this. This weekend my in-laws are going to be in Monterey so we're going down to visit them for a night. I'm interested to see how well I do. I'll just have to try and not dip into any of my flex points before we go.

C25K Week 2 Finished

2008-04-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning was my last day for week 2. The week consisted of running for 90 seconds and then walking for 2 for a total of 20 minutes. It wasn't too bad for me and I continuted my extra running at the end. I managed to run 7:30 minutes at 5.5 and was feeling pretty good. It was definitely more of a mental issue to overcome. Since I did my first run on Wednesday morning I though of the Biggest Loser Ali to inspire me through the last few minutes. On Friday I thought of myself. haha I'm looking forward to starting week 3 tomorrow morning.

We had a stressful night with our flights for our trip to Germany being changed again. About a month ago we found out two of our flights were canceled so our flight times were changed. Tonight we found out our flight from London to Berlin was canceled and we had to call to book ourselves on another flight. My poor, patient husband spend 2.5 hours on the phone to get it figured out. They tried to book us on an 8 hour layover at Heathrow. Hell no! Apparently, they did have an earlier flight (still a 4 hour layover *sigh*) and didn't offer it to us the first time. I'm not too happy about how much our travel arrangements have changed but I'm reminding myself that we are lucky this stuff isn't happening the day of travel.

Just Fight the Cravings

2008-04-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

Ah, the best time of the month. PMS cravings are starting to sneak up on me. Last night I kept on rummaging through my kitchen to find another snack. Then I finally realized I had to thank my PMS cravings for this. I hate them because I'm never satisfied and can't resist looking for something else to eat. Tonight I solved my problem my brushing my teeth after I ate my nightly banana and light chocolate syrup dessert. I'm lucky though and I haven't gained (knock on wood) yet during this week. It usually happens to be a better week for me. But I don't like the mindless eating so I'm going to try and resist it.

I got my haircut today. I'm so cheap and haven't gone since last July or August. Here's a pic thanks to my husband. I don't really have a before picture but it was maybe 2 inches longer minus the layers.

My favorite thing is that it's not too short so I can still pull it back in a pony tail for workouts.

New Progress Pictures

2008-04-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

Holy crap. Is that really me? I'm in shock over these pictures. I would have never, ever thought that is the difference of 30 pounds. And to think I have about 30 pounds to go. I took these pictures really quickly this morning before school and didn't really have time to look at them. Now that I'm home and able to compare them, I have a really hard time believing that's what I look like right now. I don't see myself this, especially the side view. I don't think I see myself as my starting picture but I definitely don't see myself where I'm at now. I'm not sure what I see.

Dec. 2007 - Starting and April 2008 - 30 pounds

Jan. 2008 and April 2008

Later tonight I'll have to get my husband's help to put all my progress pictures together. Putting them in the blog like this is getting too hard.

Week 20 Weigh-In

2008-04-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

I had high hopes for my weigh-in this week. I was really expecting to hit the 30 pound mark. After all, I only had to lose 1.2. And after gaining .2 last week it seemed like it shouldn't be that hard. I started the C25k and overall exercised more than I have for the past few weeks. I kept on track with my eating and the only thing I changed was not eating my activity points (since I haven't been as hungry). So anyways, I lost .8 which was a bit of a disappointment. I really wanted to get to 30 pounds. And I felt I worked hard enough to get there too. I guess that's why I've heard not to expect anything.

Looking back through my weigh-in booklet I realized that whenever I'm in a new decade I always lose the first 5-6 pounds fairly quickly (for me). It takes 3-4 weeks. Then those last 4-5 pounds seem to take twice as long. It's a bit frustrating and I hope to figure out a solution. I'm thinking the next time I'm in the lower part of decade I'll try Core. I've been thinking of trying it for a while as I want to focus more on my food and nutrition.

I'm planning on taking my progress pictures tomorrow. I think I'm close enough to 30 pounds.

C25K Week 1 Done

2008-04-14T15:44:00.000-07:00

This morning I ran day 3 of the first week for the Couch to 5K program. This first week really wasn't that bad for me. I ran between 5.0 and 5.5 with a 1.0 incline. My walking speed was between 4.0-4.2. It wasn't physically hard for me to run/walk it but I still was dripping in sweat afterwards. The time went by fairly quickly which was nice too. Physically, the only part of me that hurt after the first day was my stomach/abs. It was really light and gone by night-time.

At the end of each session I'd just run to see how long I could without getting too exhausted. I know it's supposed to be a program to warm up to running but I felt the need to run longer than a minute. The first day I lasted 4 minutes, the second day 3.5 and today 4.5. Of course, I wouldn't be able to do that repeatedly or run for a longer time which is what I'm working towards.

I plan on starting Day 1 of Week 2 on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to it!

Shopping!

2008-04-13T22:36:00.001-07:00

Well, this is going to be a short version of my original post. I lost my original and ready to go to bed.

Long story short - we went shopping at Old Navy today for clothing. I had seen some pants online that I wanted to try on for our Germany trip. I've been searching for good, comfy, lightweight, inexpensive pants. Yeah, quite a requirement list.

This is what I ended up getting:

I don't plan on wearing the pants rolled up but it'll be a nice option.

Shopping was actually a bit fun today. I was really comfortable trying things on and it's nice to feel good. The only downside is that it seems no matter what size you are, that's always the size they don't have! I suppose it might have saved me money but I'd at least like to try it on.

We're not finished shopping yet. I'd like to find one more pair of pants and I need shoes. My husband also need some pants since all he wears is jeans. We're headed to the outlet mall next weekend because we usually have luck there when we need it.

Week 19 Weigh-In

2008-04-10T17:38:00.000-07:00

I was right and gained yesterday. It wasn't that bad though. I only gained .2. I'm glad another gain is out of the way. It didn't even phase me and I think it's because I knew it was going to happen. I just hope this next week works in my favor. I would prefer not to get back on a gaining pattern. I'm hoping I'll lose consistently until we go to Germany. There's not much time left. I've come to peace with the fact that I'm not going to be the size of clothing I want to be when we go. I realized that the number inside the pants isn't the end all. I would much rather be 30-35 pounds lighter than where I was 5 months ago.

Tomorrow I'm planning on starting the Couch to 5K program (again). I had tried it late last year (actually that's partially what my first blogs are about). I think I need a new change for exercise and I'm hoping this will do the trick. I'm kind of looking forward to it and hopefully I get through more than 2 weeks this time. Also, I'm hoping it will help me with my stomach. I'm all stomach and it's going to take a long time to get rid of it. Even the pants I wear still feel a bit tight around my waist but gap in the back *sigh* I must thank my dad's side of the family for those lovely genetics.

Tomorrow's weigh-in

2008-04-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty positive I'm going to gain at my weigh-in tomorrow night. But I'm okay with it. I haven't gained in 8 weeks, which is a miracle because I thought for sure I was going to have a gain every few weeks. I'm kind of ready to get it out of the way. Also, I did really want to hit 30 pounds but I'll just get there next week instead. My body's lost a lot these last 8 weeks so it's okay if it rebels. Really, I'm okay with it. I get too caught up in thinking I'm going to lose weight faster than my body does in actuality. I lose at a certain speed and that's okay.

I have noticed these past few days I'm getting really full fast. I usually have at least 14 points by the time I get home in the afternoons which is from 2 to 3:30. And I still manage to eat all those points. I'm not that hungry though and I just eat to eat my points. I think this next week I won't eat my activity points (I usually do) since I don't think my body is calling out for them as much. I think there's been a change because I've been eating a lot more nutritious foods too. I'm getting eager to drop down to the next points category. I never thought I'd be looking forward to that. I'm up for the challenge of planning my day with one less point. I only have 2.4 pounds to get there.

Time? Why are you going so fast?

2008-04-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

Seriously. I feel like these weeks are just flying by. How is already April? And how am I already on my 19th week of Weight Watchers? Oh and there are only 7 weeks left of classes. Which also means we're headed to Germany in 7 weeks or so. My, oh my. I'm overwhelmed just thinking of everything to do between now and then.

I'm an expert at procrastinating. A few days ago I was talking to my brother and told him how I'd love to be one of those people who seem to get everything done plus more ahead of time. I'm so jealous of overachievers. His theory is that once we learn we can procrastinate and still do well then we don't see a reason to work hard to finish things with time to spare. I think that's me. I don't wait until the very last minute but I do wait too long. I don't like the extra stress or worry. Procrastination is such a hard habit to break.

I made a to-do list for the weekend. It did help me but nothing got fully crossed off until today. I really believe I did more then I would have without it. I also realized that I put too many things on it that were going to take long to get finished. I made a new one for today and I actually was able to fully cross one of the things off! I'm in the middle of the second and the last 2 can be rolled over to tomorrow.

I know this is probably one of the most boring posts to read. Who cares about my to-do list? I'm actually writing it so I can commit myself to making the lists. I know that they will help me. I just can't jump into it all at once. Baby steps. The same can be said for weight loss. There. This is a little weight loss related. :)

Mental Progress

2008-04-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

I think I need to stop looking through old pictures for a while. I tend to do it about once a week and usually come across some really bad ones. It's starting to depress me a bit. I start tearing up a bit and wondering why I never saw myself like that before. I fine with looking at my progress pictures because I think it helps show me how far I've come. I'm just thinking too many negative thoughts about pictures from years ago.

I'm wondering when I'll feel like I've lost weight. I want my mind to catch up with my body. I know I've lost 29 pounds but I don't see that I've lost that much. I'm wearing new clothing sizes, can see the physical differences in my body and can tell a difference in my endurance during workouts. I have realized that if I never completely saw how big I was, I'm not sure how long it'll take to really accept how far I've come.

I'm losing at a faster rate then I gained. My mind is not going to accept my new size for a long time. Sometimes, my mind still sees myself as I was 29 pounds ago. I think that's why it's so important for people losing weight to track their progress in as many ways as possible. I need those reminders that I have changed. It's so easy to still look in the mirror and criticize certain body parts. I try and accept that I look better now compared to when I started or even a few years ago.

People who think it's so easy to lose weight don't understand what it's like to be overweight. It's not just a physical thing. It is mental too. Your mentality needs to change along with the physical. It's complicated, time-consuming, and frustrating. The thing that keeps me going is how I feel better about myself. The results are worth all the work.

Week 18 Weigh-in

2008-04-03T16:34:00.000-07:00

I had a great weigh-in this week. I lost 2.4 pounds. Part of the reason it was so good is that I feel like I actually deserved the loss. I did make some changes to my normal routine. I spend the majority of the week focusing on food and my workouts. I was quite surprised to have such a large loss (for myself) because I'm nearing the end of a decade. The weight loss tends to slow down a bit because the body is used to eating the same amount of points everyday.

Additionally, I used more points then I ever have. At least I think so. Last Thursday afternoon I ate so much crap trying to satisfy my cravings. I finally gave up and decided to go out to dinner. I was still bitter about my lack of an Easter dinner. I wanted to just be able to go and enjoy what I'm eating. We went out and I ordered what I wanted to and didn't worry about the points. I did focus on not overeating though. Then I decided I wanted real ice cream so we headed to Coldstone Creamery. Yum! That was the first real ice cream I'd had in 17 weeks. I didn't regret it at all, even after looking up the points a few days later. I didn't regret any part of the night. I believe it helped me jump back on track.

I also stopped buying the Skinny Cow ice cream products. Now, I really do like them but I realized I wasn't getting as satisfied from them anymore. I was eating 2 or 3 a day! Just because they are low points doesn't mean I should have been eating them like that. I probably will buy them again some day. I just wanted to remove them for now because I felt I wasn't focusing enough on getting in the 8 healthy guidelines. I also believe that going out to dinner and getting a real dessert helped me stay on track all week. I was able to refocus myself to making better food choices.

And of course exercise. I did the Biggest Loser workout again, which I only did once at the end of February. It kicked my butt again. My legs are still a little sore in some spots and it's 4 days later. I'm hoping to get that in twice this week. It's an awesome workout for me. Overall, I got a lot more activity points for the week.

I'm really hoping to hit 30 pounds loss next week so I can take my next progress picture!

Measurments Update

2008-04-02T14:23:00.000-07:00

Well, I kind of forgot to update my measurements last month even though I did measure on March 2. By the time I realized I had forgotten, it was already half way through March so I figured I'd just wait until April. Also, because I've been down the road of losing weight plenty of times in the past few years, I found that last September I had taken my measurements. I did gain another 5 pounds or so between taking those measurements and starting Weight Watchers. I have no idea what the changes were in inches.

I'm not brave enough to post my actual measurements. So the loss is all I'm posting. The only part I don't have any measurement for is my where I measure around my rib cage. I also only measure one arm and one thigh because I assume they should be close enough in measurement.

Since September:
Bust: - 3 inches
Rib Cage: - 2 inches
Arm: - 2 inches
Waist: -3 inches
Hips: - 5 inches
Thigh: - 1.5 inches

Total: - 20 inches!

Woot! I'm fairly certain I had expanded more in my waist, hips and bust by the time I had started WW. I'm quite excited to find an arm measurement because for the past 3 months my arms have not changed. I must have lost inches in them first. I don't think I'll be losing much else there. It's mostly just muscle now.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a good weigh-in tonight!

OMG!

2008-03-28T15:25:00.001-07:00

I was looking through photos on the computer yesterday to see how much progress I've made. I came across this picture and just stared, while muttering "oh my god" a few times.

This was me on my birthday last September. I just couldn't stop staring at myself. My stomach is just huge. Did I really think I was hiding anything? It's just amazing how I was in such denial. Looking at pictures like this is motivating but also depressing. I try to concentrate on the fact that I'm doing something about it and that's all the matters. I'm never going back to that.

A loss is a loss

2008-03-27T08:45:00.001-07:00

I lost .2 this past week. Obviously, not the ideal number but I'll take it. That is my 6th loss in a row. I'm kind of hoping this week counts as a gain week because the loss was so low. Does it work that way? I'll have to find out. I've been enjoying not having any gains.

I did fairly well this week until Easter and the days afterwards. Not because I overindulged on Easter either. It's was because my Easter brunch sucked. I know, don't invite me over. I'm a hard guest to please I suppose. I was so incredibly disappointed with the food served. I really wanted an afternoon where I could just really enjoy everything I was eating and not worry about points or what I was eating. I figured I deserved that since it was Easter. Last time I didn't worry (too much) about what I ate was Christmas.

So what was so bad about it? I'm not really sure how to explain it but I guess I'll just review the menu. The first course was crab cakes and fruit with bruschetta wrapped around them. There were also croissants, muffins and some other weird bread type thing. I should also explain that it will sound like a lot of food but there was only one smallish serving per person. Of course there was extra of the bread stuff but I didn't want to stuff myself with croissants. I ate the slice of cantaloupe but not the bruschetta. I ate 2 of the quarter sized crab cakes and a muffin. Next course served was goat cheese tart with sun-dried tomatoes and olives and cucumbers and tomatoes sliced and drizzled with olive oil. The goat-cheese tart was good. I also had my share of the veggies which was like 3 or 4 slices. The last course was our dessert which was apples, grapes and cheese. I had a few apple slices and a piece of cheese. And that was it. That was my Easter meal.

I do feel bad for complaining about it. I'm glad we were invited somewhere and I know the food took a lot of time to prepare. My issue is that it was a holiday meal. I guess I wanted some traditional comfort foods.

I'm a little bitter too because the relative didn't even ask me about my weight loss. She's actually the one who inspired me to suck it up and join Weight Watchers. She knows I've been on it. She did say I looked good when I walked in the door but that was it. When she lost weight I bombarded her with questions about how much she lost, how she did it, how she feel, etc. Maybe because I'm taller it isn't as obvious but I did want to talk about it. But I feel like it's the sort of subject you wait to be asked about. I'm not very good at talking about myself to begin with.

Wow this post has really made me sound like I had a crummy week. Actually, my weekend wasn't that bad at all. I was happy to spend time with my family on Sunday. I hadn't seen any of them since Thanksgiving. We had in impromptu trip into the city on Saturday. Then I remembered my friend and her mom was visiting so I called her and we met up with them for a while. Originally, we were supposed to meet up with some friends for dinner and that fell through. I was so glad I remembered this other friend had been visiting. My husband and I had such a good time on Saturday.

Unexpected dining out

2008-03-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

Last night my husband called me around 6 and said that an old coworker wanted to meet up for dinner. Oh great, except I only had 7 points left for the day. Yes, there are the flex points but I was going to need them because we were meeting friends for dinner the next night. Oh, and a holiday called Easter on Sunday. I was also mad at myself for being a lazy bum and not working out. At least then I could have had some activity points.

Of course I agreed though. I figured I'd just have to use some bonus points. I checked the menu online before we left and most of the dinner entrees were 10-14 points. The side dinner salad was 2-3 points. When we got there I avoided the bread which was the 2nd time in a row I didn't eat any when dining out. That's definitely a small victory. I ordered a plate that was about 14 points and told myself I'd only eat half of it. It wasn't too hard because the portion sizes are so big. Half of what I ate there is probably what I would have ate at home. I was able to complete the night within my points! But then when we got home I enjoyed a Skinny Cow fudge bar for dessert. One point over isn't too bad.

It's empowering to know that I can still do it when last minutes things come up. If I had known we were going out to dinner I would have planned my meals differently all day and exercised. It's nice to know I can sit at a dinner table and not eat all the extra food. To some people that might be obvious but all the appetizers, bread, desserts, drink, etc. has usually been an invitation to overindulge. Not anymore.

Week 16

2008-03-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

I had another surprise weigh-in. I lost 1.6. I really didn't feel on track all week so I was expecting to either maintain or lose a small amount. This week's weight loss brought me to a total of 26.4 pounds. Wow! I completely forgot that I got a 25 pounds washer-thing for my 10% keychain. Also, my leader gave me one of the leftover 25 pounds magnets from the old system. And I got another 5 pound star. I felt really good last night. I'm also happy because I'm now in a new number range for my BMI. I've dropped my BMI over 4 points. And I'm less than 10 pounds from my first personal goal. Whew. I have a lot to be proud about this week. I need to step it up for next week though. I feel like I've gotten a bit lucky these past 2 weeks.

I'm now on my Spring Break! It was such a nice feeling leaving campus this afternoon. I had 2 midterms, one right after the other and think I did fine on both of them. Since I won't have school next week I plan on devoting more time to exercising. I might call into my temp agency too. My only other plan is to try and get ahead on some school work. I'm sure I'll do some stuff but probably not as much as I'm mentally thinking I'll accomplish.

Mountain Lion

2008-03-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

My husband and I went hiking yesterday morning. We went to a new place and were so excited when we got there. The parking lot was practically empty! We were thrilled to actually be alone and not following people along hiking trails. So we decide to hike up to the scenic vista point. We had been hiking for about an hour and hadn't seen anyone else along the trails. It was nice but a little weird at the same time. We live in a very heavily populated area so even when you go hiking you run into lots of people.

We were walking along this path and I was about two feet from some tall overgrown bushes. Then I heard a really low growl and saw the bushes shake. I immediately started to walk towards my husband and grab his hand. I was going to try and motion to him that there was something in the bushes. Right as I grabbed his hand we both heard a much louder growl. His hand tightened on mine and we just looked at each and sped up. We didn't stop, we didn't even turn around. We knew a mountain lion was there. Our hands were so tight together and I think I was breathing very loud. I was in such disbelief.

Every time we hike I always read the boards at the bottom about what to do if you see a mountain lion. The boards even say that sightings are extremely rare and blah, blah, blah. But I swear that because of that board we had a much better response. It was in our heads that it was possible and we knew how to respond. As we were walking away I was so scared to turn around and see it standing in the middle of the path. My eyes were scanning the ground for rocks and sticks to use for protection. I was scared to bend over and pick something up because the sign said that if you crouch then you look like prey. We didn't even talk for a good few minutes. When we did start talking, we immediately discussed how were were going to get out of the trails. I was praying that there was another way down. We finally picked up some sticks and started hitting them together to make noise. We had a map with us (something else we always pick up!) and thank God there was another, quick way out of there. We had about a mile left after that encounter and it was the longest mile of my life. We were on such high alert, listening and scanning our surroundings.

We tried to keep talking but both couldn't believe it. I told my husband that we have to keep on talking to make as much noise as possible. We had to talk out what we were thinking rather than let ourselves get into quiet thoughts. My husband didn't hear the first growl. I knew when the bushes shooks that a large animal was there. It was a windy day so the bushes and trees had been shaking a lot but I could tell the difference. We really think I was within 10 feet of it before I moved over to my husband.

I was so happy when we made it out of the forest and a ranger happened to be driving towards where we came out. We flagged him down and he called another ranger who came over to take down a report. She said that they've been having reports in that area about once a month. I'm so glad we didn't actually see the mountain lion because I think that would have scared us even more. But hearing it was enough to put us in the flee mode.

Yep, Another Weight Loss Blog

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